Mister Cooper Boone cougars and gentlemen!

So I get this press package for a country singer/songwriter named Cooper Boone the other day and initially thought this guy would be a huge douchebag thanks to the hilariously written biography and press about this guy. Like kudos to his publicist because it actually made me pee my pants (am I joking?), mostly because the cheesyness matches if not surpasses the cheesyness of my reviews. Over exaggerated
to the fullest with the worst yet greatest lines ever, let's take a look shall we:
"Indeed, Boone is a person for whom the term "triple threat" is a few items short."
"'I wanted to write an upbeat song that honors those hot mamas out there who aren't 22 but are still out there living lives and looking great' Cooper explains."
Re: Cougar Dream
"Nothing goes together quite so well as country music and down home cooking."
"On the show, Boone keeps multiple pots bubbling, but he's also good at keeping balls in the air."
and my personal favourite, straight from the New York Post (June 12, 2009) in an article about his Cougar Dreams song (again)
"Man, there ain't nothing hotter in pop culture than a cougar these days.
(That'd be an older woman who likes significantly younger men, in case you're not hip to the slang the kids are using these days.)"

And on top of that I received a recipe for a Roasted Corn Salad, so you can see where I made the douchebag connection right?
After the laughter died and the pee dried I realized that not only is this guy a country singer, but he also cooks and has his own cooking show, he owns his own country store, he farms chickens (lmao awesome) and he, get this, IS A FUCKING CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGIST!!!
My only question now is...

Is he also A ROBOT??????

Seriously, holy shit.
I guess that explains the corn salad.

On top of that he plays the piano and the trumpet. Don't you feel like a worthless slob now? Uhh hi I sit on my ass and write a blog, without even lifting my fingers far off the keyboard.. and I haven't picked up my guitar in at least 3 years (shame).
Not to mention his album ain't that bad, y'all. It actually manages to channel the country girl I have tried to bury deep down for so long.. Yes, this city girl has country roots... and although I whip out the cowboy boots now and then that's as far as I will go... until now.
He's got a great country voice, no lack of talent here.. good range, good twang, good tone.. up there with all the country artists I remember from back in the day hearing on country radio.
I am interested to know how much of the album was written by him though, because it says here he co-wrote all the songs on the album.. seeing everything he does on the side and the fact that it's his debut that's still impressive, but the question still remains.

The album itself I'm somewhat torn over. Love it, and hate it, and the difference falls between the fast songs and the slow songs.
This calls for a showdown!

Fast Vs. Slow -- The Honky Tonk Showdown
The first couple songs are upbeat, and totally country, reminding me of growing up in Grafton, driving in my friend Tanya's dad's pick up truck while he belts out lyrics to any and all songs on the country radio station, crankin it through the open windows along the winding dirt roads. "She's All that" is definitely single worthy, the piano is perfect and it almost sounds like.. hmm.. Elton John and CCR become one and play a hoedown in some hay filled barn way out in Alabama while everybody line dances in front of them?
I could get down to this.
And then a slow song hits. This ballad reminds me of one track of the 5ive album I once/still own(ed). Not my cup'o'tea. The strings in the background are the only redeeming quality, I'm a sucker for strings, but the lyrics seem a little too amateurish.. 'I stand nowhere and every single stop of where I'm going takes me to a time where I was fearless, slaying every dragon in my closet and I would always win'... is that a saying I've never heard, slaying a dragon in your closet? I don't know about that.
Thankfully he speeds it up again for "Love Revival" and it turns out to be a little more bad ass than I expected out of him, although that notion ends when he mentions the bible. It does rhyme with revival though, so I let it slide. Noted. I actually caught myself getting down and dirty to the grimy parts of the song and made a conscious effort then and there to find more dirty country. The end gets super uppity and I think I got a little too excited about it.. and out comes more pee..JK!
The mood continues with my personal favourite Dirt Road Dancing about, well, dirt road dancing.. which I am pretty sure I have actually done before, it really does happen in the country lemme tell ya. The fiddle is rockin' and I would definitely dirt road dance to this song any day.
And then another slow one hits.. Maybe since the music is slowed and the vocals are the key listening point you notice the lyrics more and it seems a little cheesier, just not my thing.. probably more for the cougars. All I can say is... NEXT!
By now I'm getting a country overload and need to roast a la gange to get through the rest of this album, especially if more slow songs are involved.
Which they are.
The next few aren't exactly ballads but they don't have the horse's kick of the good one's past. "Sizzle" was one of the buzz songs in the package and it wasn't measuring up to me until he pulled out the big guns on the vocals. Kiinda hot. Does that make me um.. what's the opposite of a cougar? Anna Nicole Smith? OOOHHHH snap! Too soon?
Although these songs aren't that snappy, I did notice an improvement in the lyrics, and by golly I forgot how many solo's there are in country!
And then I fell asleep for the next two slow ones... NEXT NEXT... but woke up for the much anticipated "COUGAR DREAMS" song!
I've got to be honest, I was expecting something more racy! But then again you don't want to offend the older ladies. Was this a ploy because Mr. Boone has a thing for the elderly? Smoooothe!! Spread that grilled cheese Cooper!! He might be a little old for the cougar's usual prey, but once they hear his music they won't mind..
Cooper's next album? Turning Cougar's into Groupies!
The last song is the DMKS theme song (??) and despite it being another slow jam it's got lots of country twang paired with gospel'y church choir vocals in the background, adding some power to it. Out of all the ballad's this is by far my favourite aka the only one I would listen to again probably.
If people would listen to the words of this song and take it to heart the world would be a slightly better place.
Sweet nibblets!

I'm Sarah, y'all. I do what I want.