Alkaline Trio - This Addiction is not that addicting.

First of all, find this album streaming HERE and listen to it while reading this.

The first song off of this album already foreshadows what kind of story this album will tell, fittingly it's the title track "This Addiction" and it's all the tits without the nips.
I've had a pretty love/hate relationship with Alkaline Trio throughout the last seven albums. Basically I loved the first few but grew tired of them, and after Crimson came the hate part and I completely lost interest.
For the better I realize now after hearing his stylish vocals which I think would make for a great psychobilly punk singer. His voice irritates me now... can I even say that? I'm sorry.
The album so far has started off immediately falling flat and the second song, although hilarious in title and chorus, just makes me scratch my head and click the next button.
Is it just my computer speakers or are the vocals far too spotlighted over the instruments? Crank that guitar dammit!
Just when I start to regret starting to review this album at the high price of having to actually listen to it, "Lead Poisoning" grabs my attention with some dirty melodies and HOLY HORNS BATMAN where did that even come from? It's well structured and composed between verse and chorus, and I even fall momentarily back in love with Matt Skiba's crooning.
Unfortunately the lapse in judgment ends when "Dead On The Floor" comes riding in on its train bound for radio glory and halfway through I hit pause and find some old Alk Trio to bring me back to the good ol' days of Maybe I'll Catch Fire and Goddammit. The lyrics of now don't grip me like they used to, the afore mentioned albums have stabbed me in the heart more times than I'd like to let on, almost every song able to break you down if you listen to it at the wrong moment....
Sorry, here comes the emo in me... you can't spell EMO without ME (backwards).
I return to the dreaded addiction only to hear 'and it's falling like snow' repeated a few too many times, and after literally just taking a dive back through their lyrics of the past I can't help but think . . . REALLY?
My patience is wearing thin as I hit #5 and although it started off catching my ear with talks of baseball a mere hit from the BLEEP later and it's suddenly talking about cemeteries, disappointing even the baseball craving in me which you don't fuck with. Matt Skiba, you're fuckin' out.
Things aren't looking any brighter as 'I'm a junkie for your smart mouth' fails...errr falls through the speakers in "Off The Map", and as I'm noting how horrible the lyrics are and asking myself if they've been tapped out of good lines I suddenly hear 'row row row my boat' and OOPS, I just crapped my pants.
Was this album made for toddlers?
Because it should come with complimentary diapers in the sleeve and avec download.

I can't listen to this anymore without coffee... will somebody please buy me a coffee machine? It might seriously increase my liking of music on Sunday mornings (if 1:30pm is considered morning on Sundays)

I'm thinking about coffee, and mornings, and sunshine, and tequila with cinnamon and orange which is my newest discovery and by far the best compliments to a tequila shot I've ever experienced, and am planning on drinking tonight at this party where Unfun from Vancouver are playing and Pod from The Roman Line is doing an acoustic singalong set which I will again need that comp. diaper for.......... and throughout this I have completely not paid attention to the album or the song "Draculina", despite the mention of blood and guts (for a gore fiend like myself that usually is all it takes to grab my attention, yet I heard the words and pictured tequila).
Alkaline Trio writing FAIL.
The next track, "Eating Me Alive", accurately depicts what the album is doing to me through the title alone, but as ridiculous as the song is I start to find it semi cute, and until the chorus I actually sort of enjoy it... but the chorus bores me and the second verse gives up no more hooks than the first and I'm left waiting for more. Again I find myself zoning out, this time to thoughts of food (surprise surprise) instead of listening to the song.

Is he talking about biting someones cheek in the next track "Piss and Vinegar"? I'm not even going to bother going back to hear that correctly, fuck this. I don't like the structure of the vocals anymore, he kind of pussied out with them. Not pussied out talent-wise, but pussied out coolness-wise, which we all know is the ONLY way to judge it. (Just call me Ellen DG)
Listening to this album is making me antsy and restless and I just don't care anymore about it. When is it going to end?
Finally I hit the last track and it starts off sounding like something you'd hear off of Pocahontas 3.... waiiiit.... 'boats' ... 'stars' ... 'kiddie pool' ... WAS it written for Pocahontas 3?
'Dreams' ... 'nightmares' ... But he's fine, I repeat, he's fine.
You shouldn't talk about drinking in a kid's song Matt, that's called not knowing your audience.
But don't worry, you're fine, you're fine... How are you? Let me guess, YOU'RE FINE!

This album made me angry.

I'm Sarah. I do what I want.