The Schomberg Fair vs. Big John Bates and the Voodoo Dollz

You know how people sometimes read the paper/a magazine backwards? Last page to front page (guilty)... sometimes I like to write backwards... I know it's not the same, it would be more like somebody reading this review backwards which I doubt anybody ever would do. But I totally wrote this backwards and it feels really odd that I'm doing my whole ending spiel in the first paragraph. I feel like I'm back in school writing an essay or something. It's like the Momento of reviews, with absolutely no violence and not entertaining in the slightest (I know this because I've already written it).
So if it makes no sense at all, and I'm too lazy to fix it (which I will be) then I fail and we both move on and live happily ever after. Blah blah blah suck it.
If you haven't seen Big John Bates (& The Voodoo Dollz) live yet then baby.. *instert BTO hit song title here!* !
I'm not even joking.
I have never seen anything like it.
First off their psychobilly set up (and sound) was great, Big John on guitar, some hot chick on stand up bass and the drummer in the back... but what happened on the stage in between them all was electrifying (for your penis)!!
They had two MORE hot chicks in burlesque'y outfits dancing around, playing with fire, fighting each other and ripping each others clothes off... not to mention they 'dragged' a dude on stage to (I'm guessing here) do shots out of their tit devices?
I mean, their TITS were on FIRE at one point! And there was liquor and handcuffs and blindfolds... and DANCING! :O
I so wish my camera was better so that I could have caught all that fun stuff on film. D'OH I didn't even THINK of videotaping it while it was happening... holy shit I'm a rEhtard. Anyway it was good stuff.
The band themselves were pretty wicked as well. Except for that damn bitch on bass (love her) made me realize that I will never amount to being able to play an instrument as well as I want to. I saw her stand up bass and immediately pegged it as easy and decided I might give it a try... I mean I love the Mario level 4 Big World and so I figured the same logic applied to real life.
Only once she got going all hope I had flew out the window as I watched her delicate little hands move like magic across those strings. She hit notes when I couldn't even see her fingers touching them, and believe me I was watching. That would take me years to master, and I'm pretty lazy so I regret to inform you that I've already given up on that idea. whomp whomp.
Anyway, the set was awesome, and totally entertaining, and the best part (for those without dicks) was when they featured a crazy drum solo where dude played with 4 sticks at once, handed two off to Big John who started helping him play and was then left to man the drums himself while the real drummer went out and started drumming on the stand up bass, AS the bassist climbed ON TOP of the bass and balanced there while he played.
You have no idea how happy I am that I got to see The Schomberg Fair again.
The first time at Sneaky Dee's was LEGEN-wait for it ------------------------->DARY.
This time on a much bigger stage and a much different audience and I was once again blown away... blown to smithereens... blown right out of the water... whatever way she blew I was blown.
Picture this:
A shit load of punk kids shipped in to work in the cotton fields back in the day, singing all these old spiritual songs while working robotically in constant sorrow. And then picture later at night when they're all letting loose after a hard day of work around the campfire drinking jager and singing along with the bullfrogs... while possibly doing speed.
That's exactly what The Schomberg Fair are like.
Or whatever.
That bass of thurrs is pretty much the essence of my existence, and the drums and guitars sometimes rock out so fast that you can't even hear them anymore. Only you can and it's AWESOME.
And with absolutely no stage aids (not knocking it because that was some sweet ass shit Big John had there!) they managed to actually hold my attention every second along the way, I'd say even more so than the free titties did. (this is a case of lack of penis syndrome).
*drum roll please*
The Schomberg Fair, just as much fun to watch/hear as Big John etc but without needing all the tits and ass to do it!
(If I were a dude, or if I actually had a penis like I joke that I do, the winner clearly would have been the band with tits and me dick and balls and that would be a whole other story altogether.... one involving me running on stage...*leaves the rest to your imagination*)

Here are some pictures!

I'm Sarah. I do what I want.