If I were to say that a band called The Language Of Termites spoke to me through their songs more than any other album this year, does that mean that I speak Termite?
"Termites in a subterranean colony"
Since there is absolutely nothing disgusting about the sound of this band, quite the opposite actually, this must be one of those strange nature scenarios where the ugliest creature makes the most beautiful noise.
Unfortunately, for the first time EVER Google has failed me and I can't find an ugly animal that makes a beautiful sound...
but in my search I found a lot of people shit talking one of my favourite creatures, the Goblin Shark.
Again, I say:
This band is fucking awesome. I've talked briefly about them once before and I think I love them even more this CD around. Still this 'euphorial' sounding folky acousti-ro-po (acoustic rock pop, duh) with amazing standalone vocals over smartly timed, subtle yet intricate instruments.
The first few songs are my absolute favourite, while the rest of the album is so pretty that it practically lulls me into loving rapture.. I'd probably kiss a Goblin Shark if one puckered up at me in this state of bliss.
Okay, first and foremost I'd like to apologize in advance for what's about to be a pretty brain dead review due to sheer exhaustion on my part.
My brain has been letting out a continuous fart this past week, I think it's been chowing down on Taco Bell while I'm asleep, which explains why I'm so tired as well.
Focusing on this review has been as difficult as I'd imagine it would be for a paraplegic to swim in the deep end.
Let me just sum it up by saying IT WAS ONE OF THE GREATEST EXPERIENCES OF MY LIFE + ONE OF THE MOST VERACIOUS SETS I'VE EVER HEARD.
First of all they hit the stage right on time, unlike MOST big acts who play at Lee's Palace. Usually when their set time says 10:15 you're waiting until at LEAST 10:30 for anything to happen, cursing the band who you are supposed to love because if you're as lucky as I am you live close enough to the venue to go home and have a few drinks between sets. Coming back in time and then still having to wait is THE WORST, and I actually think far less of bands who think they're such hot shit that they ignore their start time and the fact that they have hundreds of people just standing there in a smelly crowd pressed up between a bunch of strangers cheering at every roadie who walks on stage or every time one song ends before they realize another one is starting. It's pathetic, and I hate it. I love Pinback even more now because they didn't pull that bullshit.
Watching the band on stage was like watching Kaa from The Jungle Book try to hypnotEYEZ (get it?) Mowgli to sleep.
Only they're not trying to EAT you, they're trying to ROCK you.
Although they weren't the biggest talkers OR movers while on stage it didn't matter. They're the type of band that doesn't have to put any effort into being entertaining while they play, their music and the quality of their performance makes everything else irrelevant. The vocals were absolutely flawless and sounded phenomenal, and up until I saw them I never realized just how intense the bassist (playing all chords!), the drummer (going crazy in the back!) and the guitarist (constantly chugging beer and at one point playing his guitar with the bottle) all are on their own. They even had video accompaniment on the screen behind them, posting the lyrics to all the songs off their new album and then just random shit like the movie Dark Star during the rest of the songs.. not to mention hilariously playing their video for "Good To Sea" WHILE they played the song along perfectly.
What still blows my mind is how many old songs they played, making myself and the audience VERY very happy. Not because I don't like the new one (which they were ON TOUR FOR) but because I have never seen them before and have loved them since the very beginning of time. They did play my favourite song off Information Retrieved - "Sherman" - which I was equally excited about, but check out this solid playlist from what I can remember (there's a TON missing from it too because my memory is crap!): Blue Screen Life
Autumn of The Seraphs
"Good To Sea"
"From Nothing To Nowhere"
Summer In Abaddon
"Bloods On Fire"
Summer In Abaddon is my all time favourite album of theirs and I shat my pants all over the place each time they played a song from it. The best part of the night was hands down during "Fortress" when Rob chugged his beer then started breakdancing across the stage, then tossed the mic into the crowd then ran off the stage to follow it, singing along with those who picked it up, then came back on claiming he lost a tooth, only to continue on like nothing had happened! I'm sure he didn't actually lose a tooth but whatever, it was AH-MAZING.
This totally made up for the silence during the first half of their set, along with the hilariously awkward Thanksgiving banter from Rob during their encore.
No surprise here, I've written not one but two raving reviews about them. They're The New Enemy and they're FINALLY back with a new album, Darkness, She Was The Universe.
With this record they've achieved what I thought would be impossible: they've gotten even better. The Kid Dynamite/Black Flag/Death By Stereo throwback sound has grown even more impressive and worthy of such comparisons with this fantastic hardcore punk album. Like everything else they've ever done there isn't a single track not worthy of praise from #1 through to #11, and already this morning I've listened to it front to back about 6 times and counting. It's fast, it's crass, the vocals are raw and raspy and everything else is tighter than Mother Superior (from Sister Act)'s vagina. These guys are to punk rock what God's penis is to a nuns nana, and I mean this on a global scale not just here in Toronto.
And if there's one thing I love more than punk rock it's charity.
The band has posted this album on BandCamp with a name-your-price option and the money raised will be donated to Youth Without Shelter, a Toronto-based shelter for homeless and abused youth.
They're called In My Coma, a name that easily depicts just how awful they are.
They played a FREE show at Horseshoe last night and still couldn't generate enough fans to fill the area in front of the stage.
It's so sad that I almost feel bad for them, almost.
I would feel worse if they weren't obviously trying so hard for something that just isn't happening.
I have 2 main problems with them.
1. The chick.
2. The image.
Let's focus on the image first. When I say 'trying too hard' this is what I'm referring to. In almost every picture of them online they're desperately going for this awful 'lets wear the same thing every show and every photo op so that we look like we're big stars' look that is far too easy to see through. It's clear they think that stardom relies on looks alone, all the while nobody gives a fuck how many fucking vests you have.
This bothers me because if they had spent half as much time working on their actual music - which is almost too reminiscent of rockers like Bush etc in the early 2000's - maybe they'd actually have something. They're tight, but seriously lacking hooks and basically anything that would stick out after their set. I honestly can't remember a single riff or vocal from last night. It's almost as if their music was an afterthought. They try way too hard with the theatrics on stage, the gyrating hips, the above-the-head clapping at non-existent audience, and the 'watch me rip on my guitar but I'm actually not playing anything' moments.
Okay, now the chick. She was the absolute WORST bassist I've ever seen in my life. I don't think she even knows HOW to play bass, like at all. I mean, I took up the bass earlier this year, rented one for about 2 months and have more skills than her even though I haven't touched one since. She only played 2 strings and was so obviously only there as 'eye candy' (which, um, was also a failure, and I say that only as an attack on their obsession with image and not really to insult her... maybe just her way-too-heavy eye makeup). I think an armless, legless, amputee baby could have done a better job with it's toothless mouth than she did. It was so bad my boyfriends father even snickered about it, which is fucking hilarious. It raises the question of WHY ARE YOU IN THE BAND. Clearly it's because they think they need a chick to draw attention to their band and compensate for their lack of talent elsewhere. Well guys, pick a chick who actually knows how to play, or at least has huge tits and ass and a fresh face. Not only could she not play but her backup vocals were off-key and I found her an insult to female musicians everywhere who actually know what they're doing but don't care as much about how they look.
Oh, and what the heck is with the 'LauraDoll' thing... it's lame, drop the doll and be a real person, you're not a rock star yet and until then quit acting like one.
Wellp. I have a new favourite band.
They're called Blood Command and I have been shitting my pants over their new album Funeral Beach all day. There's a chance it's due to all the greasy shit food I ingested all weekend, or the liquor... but I think it's more than just a coinkydink that it started as soon as I hit play.
Okay, maybe that's not true... but it makes for a good story, right?
Not to mention it seems fitting to talk about poop when referring to such a dirty, foul, badASS, crass, vulgar sounding band like this one. And trust me, I say those things out of LOVE. Pure nasty love.
They're a female fronted hardcore/deathpop/punk band from Bergen, Norway reminiscent of a four-way between Gallows, The Blood Brothers, Protest The Hero and Mars Volta.
If I was a guy this would be the wettest of wet dreams. As a girl I'm not quite sure how to describe how sexy I find this music without sounding like a complete whore dreaming about a hardcore musical orgy.
The biggest shock is that they're fronted by a girl AND I STILL LOVE IT. And by 'still' I mean I think I love it more than I ever would if it was a guy. Her vocals are that fucking kick ass.
I seriously can't get enough of it.
I'm like an un-fixed male dog, the band being the butt of a female dog in heat that I can't stop sniffing.. the male dog's nose representing my ears which are unable to stop listening to this album.
what a weird thing to say.
I did an interview with a band called The Bare Minimum from Toronto earlier this year, and now it's time to review the poop out of them.
Word to the wise band: Sit on a toilet for this one. It's the best place to be when the poop drops.
Here goes nothing!
With a name like 'The Bare Minimum' I feel like I was subconsciously tricked into thinking that's all I would get out of their music when I first listened to it.
It's a pretty genius concept actually. When I heard the first song on their 4 track EP Why Isn't Allen Here (I hope it's referring to Tim Allen, in which case he's at the North Pole by now getting Santa'd out for Xmas. Duh.) I was actually pleasantly surprised. But why? I had no indication that the band would suck, and considering I interviewed them I must have known back then that I liked them.. whatever I had heard at that point anyway. Yet here I was not expecting much. And what I got was a huge fat Santa cock slap to my subconsciously assuming asshole.
Within 30 seconds of the first track I was head over butt in love. All it took was a few punktastic 'hey's shouted out of my speakers and some tight not-too-poppy-but-poppy-enough riffs accompanying them. That's when I realized that the name had psyched me into thinking that they only could offer 'the bare minimum' when it came to their music. And how wrong that assumption was!
Love the EP. Love the name.
You can listen to it here:
It's no secret that I don't like most female fronted rock groups.
I mention it every time I review a band with a girl on vocals.
It's not that I have anything against girls, some of my best friends are girls! I am a girl!
My MOM is even a girl, and so is my sister.
And it's not like I hate all female singers either. I LOVE girl pop, girl country, Brody Dalle and any other girl punk as badass sounding as hers...
What I can't stand though is girl rock. Not that I like male-fronted regular rock much either, but at least I can appreciate a sexy sounding voice when there's a penis behind it.
Completely contrary to this sexist close-minded opinion of mine I have just discovered an all female rock band that I actually do enjoy called Dating Myself.
Here's how they titty-fucked my heart and convinced me to love them despite their vagina's (for any other girl bands interested in doing the same): 1. They started off their review request with flattery, saying they love the bands I write about and my no bullshit attitude. As ladies they know flattery is the way to a woman's heart. That, and steak. 2. They mentioned their album was mixed by the dude who did Mother Mother who I love. 3. They gave me this hilarious 'fake' story about how they are a real band from 1996 who time traveled to 2012 to record/release their debut album.
Check out the full story taken from their Facebook page:
The girls claim they have been sent here by record mogul/amateur inventor/Mayan prophecy follower Doc Vig to record their first full length album and gather research on 2012's futuristic trends before the end of days. Doc Vig offered the band a record deal in exchange for testing out his AWESOME Bill-and-Ted-inspired time machine. No way!? YES WAY!
Carbon testing (they smell like cigarettes! Who does that anymore??), UK-made 8-holes, and the fact that they asked for Zima’s upon reemerging from Vig’s re-jigged Ikea cabinet (the ultimate Ikea hack) are all the proof we need to know the story is for reals. Dating Myself went straight from the ether to the recording studio to lay down the fat tracks they’d been working on prior to their 16 year long high-five freeze-frame.
After much confusion with new technology and a moment of silence for the passing of cassettes, CDs, and record stores, Dating Myself is staying true to their 90s sound. Prepare to have your longjohns blown off your memory-grapes and your evenflow disrupted…grrrrrrrrrrrrrrllllllrrrrrioters Dating Myself are back. To us. Even though they sort of never realized they went anywhere.
So you see, if you don't have steak and can't muster any flattering comments, use humour to win a gal over and it'll work all the same.
Okay, I'm lying here.
Although all the above made me WANT to like the band, the truth is if their music sucked those 3 points would have made absolutely no difference in my opinion.
It's not the flattery, connections or the humour that I love about this band... it's the fact that they really do SOUND like the 90's, like exactly. And the female vocals don't really sound super feminine, but more androgynous at times like that of Silversun Pickups etc. Even when you can tell 100% it's a lady I still love the sound of it all...probably because of that rattling 90's rock it's complimenting. The songs are short, low-key and grunge-y.. just the way your mother likes it Trebek.
As somebody who grew up in this era it's be impossible NOT to feel a connection to/love for this band.
If you haven't heard Young Rival's latest album Stay Young yet you're missing out about as bad as Molly Ringwald did when she turned down the roles of Vivian in Pretty Woman, Molly in Ghost and whatever role in Scream was offered to her.
So to save you from Ringwald'ing yourself I've made it SUPER easy for you to hear it:
No more excuses, right?
It's amazing right?
I AM RIGHT!!
With 60's/70's surf rock vibes mixing with current indie/garage rock vibes it's the kind of album that defies era-ism (like racism or sexism but in regards to music era's, knowwhatImsayingyo?) and allows people of all ages and tastes to enjoy it, kind of like this Flinstones rendition of "Surfin' USA":
I love when bands tell me things like 'hate mail also accepted' when asking me to review their album. I get pretty excited about the possibilities of writing a really nasty review with no repercussions (as in death threats from the band pretending to be fans who love them when you KNOW they have no fans because they suck really badly... yes this happens a lot) but unfortunately when a band says this to me they NEVER END UP BEING BAD. Which I guess is why they throw that out there, because a) they're funny and don't take shit too seriously because b) they're actually super talented and they know it.
This is the case with a Toronto band called Fuss who sent me their EP Speakeasy which you can find below.
It's as rockin' as Sylvester Stallone only not as hard nor as bloody. And I am Apollo, shocked at how good they are.
I'd describe them as a low-fi garage rock band following in the footsteps (or maybe creating the footprints, depending on who came first) of similar Toronto bands like Topanga (only they're far less poppy) who are blowing their loads all over the face of our city these days.
Check them out.
Guess what nerds, I'm moving on up from MusicSheBlogged to MustSeeTVSheBlogged in order to review the new hit mock reality show called Crown The Town starring Ryan Long and his posse Jarek Hardy, Gary the merch guy for The Johnstones, Stephen Hawking as the narrator and other guys I don't know.
The show consists of Ryan taking on Toronto in Kenny vs. Spenny style 'who's the best' competitions.
But that's not all!
It features Lonely Island-meets-Flight Of The Conchords-meets-South Park-esque music videos (including some by Phat Bredrens!), along with John Dore/Ali G style awkward interviews and SNL-like sketches.
If I could sum it up in two words they would be: hilariously ridiculous.
If I could sum it up in one word it would be: Hilaridiculous.
The humour is everything I love.
The episode I just watched in order to write this review was Best Fortune Teller and it kicks off with Ryan engaging random strangers on the street in a little trivia game ALL ABOUT RYAN.
What's even more amusing than the fact that Ryan knows the answer to every question, obviously, is how much of a dick he is when he celebrates winning.
Later on in the episode Ryan ends up becoming a fortune teller offering his service to anybody who passes him by on the street.
At the risk of giving too much away (the hardest part about reviewing TV this funny is that I want to quote EVERYTHING, but then you wouldn't watch it..) my favourite part of this whole episode is when he 'convinces' one woman that she's into poo, sexually.
Poo jokes are always genius, and I bet she went home with a whole new outlook on shitting.
So much happens in this episode worth mentioning but I really don't want to spoil anything. Each sketch brings the comedy to a whole new level that I hadn't yet seen from Ryan Long and associates.
The Stereos even guest star a couple times, and for the sake of this TV review I will keep my opinion about the band to myself. *AHEM*.
Some key elements are:
Ryan's ridiculous pony tail
Other episode plots include:
Best Gold Buyer
Best Pole Dancing Teacher
Best Neighbourhood To Dig Through The Garbage
For fans of:
Just For Laugh Gags
Everything mentioned in the first few paragraphs of this review.
The Cellophane Flowers's album Staring At The World sounds like it could be the soundtrack to a Donnie Darko spin-off movie. One less dark and spooky, directed towards younger audience with the lightness of the music contrasting the eeriness of the original. It sounds as if Phil Spector pre-murder produced it, taking influence from bands like Depeche Mode, Echo & The Bunnymen, and The Cure, only with a chick singing. I decided that it would be a movie that follows the life of Samantha Darko during Donnie's crazy time, but not anything like the movie that actually exists called S. Darko, which sounds terrible. I'm talking young, innocent, doesn't know what a 'fuck ass' is Samantha here.
Fake movie aside this album is fantastic. Mixing elements of folk (harmonica!) with 80's space-pop and only the good parts of the alt rock genre of today.
The instruments are like the puppeteer controlling the strings of the marionette, which in this case would be the beautiful female vocals. They clearly steal the show and belong front and center on the stage in your ears, but without the hands holding the strings it wouldn't work at all. The puppeteer is like God, in this case each instrument is like a mini-God that all form together to become one God ruling over this masterpiece.
I don't know what ANY of that means.
And I'm scared of it.
Because puppets scare me.
How about just listen to the song okay?
I have never been the biggest Herbaliser fan, NOT because I don't like them, but only because I am not too familiar with them after leaving my job at HMV where all my friends loved them and played them all the time.
Well, that's all changed now.
I FUCKING LOVE THEIR NEW ALBUM.
IT IS ONE OF THE BEST THINGS I'VE HEARD, LIKE, EVERRRR!
NO JOKE, IT IS FANTASTIC.
Their jazzy rap tunes are the best combination of two types of music I don't listen to all that much, creating a piece of fucking art that I have not been able to turn off or turn down ALL DAY LONG.
It's truly bad ass.
If there was some sort of music dictionary, this album would be featured under the phrase "bad ass".
It is to jazz and rap what this picture is to the original Inspector Gadget.
That's stupid, but don't hate. Just listen.
Remember when I reviewed the Italian band Devasted? If you don't, go fucking read it HERE.
I fell in love with them because they sounded like Rancid.
Not only are they back, but they're back with an EPIC album made of ONE FUCKING SONG that is 12 minutes long. It's called "The Human Failure".
How cool is that!?
It's like NOFX's "The Decline" meets Godspeed You! Black Empire.
It's less like Rancid than whatever I previously reviewed (except for a brief ska-like breakdown about 6 minutes in), and a bit more like old awesome Pennywise. Especially because of the 'whooaa whoaaa whoaaaa's .
Needless to say I dig it.
It is truly EPIC. I love bands, punk bands particularly, who can write such long ass punk songs that are good from front to back, and this one most definitely is.
I only wish they weren't halfway across the world so I could see them perform the tits out of this song.
COME TO CANADA!
The other night I threw on the new Pinback album Information Retrieved as I hopped into the shower. I was only planning on a quick spritz because 1) I had things to do, and 2) I HATE SHOWERING.
Don't take that to mean I'm drrrty (although dirty is sexy according to Xtina), just because I only shower once a week doesn't mean that I smell bad...
KIDDING. I shower at least twice a week. Sometimes thrice.
(I just realized I'm admitting this in a review of one of my all time favourite bands, PLEASE DON'T JUDGE ME)
Whatever, I hate showering. Ever since I was a kid and this was my favourite movie, which may have something to do with it:
I don't want to die naked. That'd be really embarrassing. I'd rather die dirty.
What was I talking about?
Oh yeah, Pinback. Anyway, I only planned for a short soak and ended up dousing myself for over 30 minutes because I got lost in the music and ended up standing there with water pounding down on my head and back with my eyes closed just zoning out and listening to each track with this trance-like focus.
They've always had this affect on me. I tend to fall asleep to their albums, not because they are boring but because listening to them allows me to forget about anything else happening in my life and just feel what their music makes me feel. They instill this calmness in me that I've never found in any other band.
This new album is no exception. It's got Pinback's undeniable signature sound and that contagious subtle groove that convinces my ADD-ridden thoughts to STFU while I peacefully enjoy the music, becoming oblivious to my surroundings.
The only downside is that not every track is as catchy or stand-out-ish as some of their older records. Summer In Abbadon has forever been one of my top 5 favourite albums, so maybe I'm just holding them to an unfairly high standard to match the brilliance that they've already put to CD but I find a few of these tracks get stuck in the background, while there are definitely others like "Proceed To Memory", "Sherman", and "His Phase" that successfully stand out as some of the greatest tracks they've produced in their career.
It may just be a case of getting to know the rest of the songs better, as already some of the others are growing on me... specifically "Diminished" at the moment, with that delicious piano and haunting vocals.
That said, I LOVE PINBACK. Always and forever. And I dedicate this song to them:
I am fucking hungover.
I mean really fucking hungover
My stomach is like a bubbling pit of puke that I have been struggling to keep down all day.
I hate tequila.
I hate that I love tequila.
Just thinking about it makes the vomit volcano inside me start to rupture.
Last night, minutes after I arrived at the Victim Party, Cobra Skulls and Riverboat Gamblers show I got a call from my parents letting me know my dog was getting put down. She was the Lassie to my Matt, the Toto to my Dorothy, the Shadow to my Peter, the Snowy to my Tintin.
(which reminds me of this: Skip to 5:50)
So anyway, I decided that I would fight the sadness with many, many shots of tequila.
BAD IDEA JEANS
Now I'm sad AND hungover.
BUT, it did work last night. With the help of a few awesome fucking bands that made it impossible to focus on anything negative.
For reals yo, The Victim Party had me smiling and singing and dancing within minutes of their set. It was quite honestly the best they have ever been. The sound was impeccable, loud and clear, and the energy on stage was undeniable. The singalongs, the jokes, the ripping guitars and bass and crazy ass drums, all of it was just absolutely perfect. It blew my mind, and my load was blown along with it. They are one of Toronto's best bands and I don't get how they aren't headlining sold out Opera House gigs yet. WHAT IS WRONG WITH TORONTO MUSIC FANS? Where are you guys? Turn off that popular indie crap, remove your fake ugly hipster glasses and v-necks and start fucking paying attention to the real talent in this city. GAWD. The Victim Party remind me so much of The Briggs, who are one of my favourite bands that I listen to at least 3 times a day. Holy shit are they ever good (referring to both bands here).
Cobra Skulls saw Victim Party's amazing flawless set and raised us another amazing flawless impeccable sounding set. Holy fuck. They were fucking awesome. I don't remember TOO much but I remember being absolutely intimidated by their awesomeness on stage and wondering how I ever managed to sit down with them and interview them last year. I'm nervous just thinking back to it!
By the time Riverboat Gamblers hit the stage I was absolutely fucked off my ass and still doing more shots at the bar. Needless to say I do not remember anything from this point on... not their set, not the nachos we ate, not the bike ride home or the 10 minute phone conversation with my boyfriend. Yikes. Excuse me while I throw up.
I have a TON of reviews to catch up on and it's stressing me the fuck out. Every time I get one done I open my email to 3 more, and I can't fucking keep track of all this shit. So I'm going to act like a bunny fucking and catch up on each review in short, quick spurts just so I can get them all done AND MOVE THE FUCK ON WITH MY LIFE!
This album sounds like Pinback mixed with David Bowie. Can you guess that I fucking love it?
Talk about eerie-indie, Anna. I'd label this EP as gothic indie prog rock. Starts off slightly boring but it grows on you about half way through each track. I'd throw this on while smoking a joint and star gazing at night.
A rock and roll quartet? Yes please. This band is like Thor, the drums being his hammer. I love it.
THIS EP IS FUCKING AMAZING. Horn-infused rock N roll with that Grease-era swing factor that I always shit my pants over. (shitting your pants over something is a GOOD thing, for some reason) It's my favourite out of all these bands HANDS DOWN.
BUKE AND GASE
These guys are like a glitchy dance party out in the woods. I really like it.
That's all for now. Expect more bunny fucking reviews tomorrow because I still haven't caught up yet GADDAMMAAT!
If music were porn, last nights show at Parts & Labour would have been one hell of a romp tape.
I know that music ISN'T porn, obbbbbbbviously. But for some reason my mind has created an entire erotica based on the Off With Their Heads/Miracles/School Damage show I saw last night.
AND IT'S ALL SCHOOL DAMAGE'S FAULT!
They played so fucking hard that it was impossible not to think about, well, fucking.
But then again maybe that's just me, I tend to relate all things hard and fast to sex. And School Damage are definitely hard and fast.
I also tend to relate every pair of round things to boobs apparently.
Anyboob (those o's are boobs to me), watching them perform was like watching a hardcore sex scene where a girl is getting hammered from behind to a soundtrack of fast-paced punk rock while their poppy TBR style vocals add some tit bouncing lightness to the session.
They played with a fury worthy of the Gods, which makes me imagine Zeus as the main character in this sexssion, givin' it to Hera, or Leto or any of his other skanks.
At one point the bass and guitar hung back to draw the focus to the drummer and his faster-than-cheetah-like beats, WHICH WAS AWESOME and in this porn would be depicted as the cameras swiveling around to focus on Zeus' butt for a few minutes.
Honestly go see these guys, their stamina is insane, barely taking any breaks between songs and never wavering their HAMMERING ABILITIEZZZZ!
*insert some useless porn plot here*
The next sexcene takes place in a dirty motorcycle bar with Motorhead blaring in the background, featuring a scary dude with a cut off jean jacket and spikes and Iron Maiden patches looking to FUCK. He finds a lady and takes her back behind the bar, lays her down and ends up being surprisingly tender to her, and loving.
That sort of contrast is exactly what Miracles offered the crowd. Standing on stage dressed exactly how I described the dude above, making the audience think it was going to be some seriously heavy cock rock set until the singer took out a harmonica and they started playing this happy folky punk rock that you'd expect from a Johnny Cash and Joe Strummer collaboration. It was FUCKing awesome, and made for a great change of thrust-pace for this porno.
*insert some final useless porn plot here*
When Off With Their Heads hit the stage it was like the final big BANG in this weird ass punk porn. I was expecting these guys to be hella intimidating based on the vocals but instead they looked pleasant and maybe a tad nerdy (I love nerds, not an insult in the slightest). Therefore I envisioned a nerd gang bang at Comic-Con or something along those lines. They played everything I knew and wanted to hear (which means every comic book character you want to see in a porn is in this scene!) and one new song that was as good as I could possibly hope their new shit would be. I'm fucking excited to hear more. Unfortunately I was quite tipsy at this point and just remember singing my little heart out in pure bliss, which is probably exactly how I'd act if I were watching this porn, only by singing I mean touching myself. TMI?
UHHHH this is awkward.
Holy fuck was this weekend ever musically épopée!
I'm unlazily writing about all three shows I went to when I only technically have to talk about one, but I'm going to do it in a totally lazy way all together in one post.
Does anyone have a problem with that?
That's what I thought.
The past couple nights have been the kind you want to replay over and over in your head wishing you were Bill Murray in Groundhog Day, only you wouldn't change a thing... except maybe the meals you ate. I mean you basically have unlimited resources and would probably get bored after about 50 do-overs. Is it even possible to get fat if you're just going back to do the same day over again? Come to think of it you'd never have to suffer from whatever you did the day before.. whatever you ate or however much you drank... none of that would ever matter! I would eat so many mini Reese peanut butter cups and drink my body weight in whiskey. That'd be cool!
Uh anyway, that's how good this weekend was.
I still don't want it to end and have basically just shared half a magnum of wine with myself over some new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoons and a few Jeff Buckley sing-a-longs, refusing to call it a night because I'm still thriving off the weekend epic-ness.
It started out with The Zolas at The Great Hall on Friday night. They're a band who I have been obsessively listening to for the past couple of years, never even entertaining the idea of seeing them in my modest views of the Toronto music scene. Luckily they just released a new album and are touring to promote it, enabling one of my zillion concert dreams to come true.
What they lacked in stage presence - the singer was the only one really moving around or looking like he was having fun.. and he was charming and entertaining! The other guitar player looked like Thor though so I wouldn't expect him to look anything other than bored... he'd probably rather be holding his hammer - they made up for in tightness. Everything sounded exactly like it does on album, only louder. Sometimes this would be considered a bad thing, but not with The Zolas. All I wanted was to sing along to the songs the way I heard them on their albums.
They played mostly new songs which I expected and enjoyed but the icing on the Zola's cake was when they ended their set with "Marlaina Kamikaze", an older song that I had been dying to hear all night. Well played guys, well played.
After that I hit up Silver Dollar to see Meanwood and The Schomberg Fair at the latter's CD release. AnD HoLy FuCk. . . I have seen Meanwood dozens of times now and they still managed to blow my load within seconds of amazing blues-infused-country set. Talk about premature ejacuROCK. Does that make sense at all? WHO CARES!
Unfortunately I was fairly love drunk off my humps by this point and don't quite remember The Schomberg Fair, which is a mad shame because I LOVE them and was really excited to talk about their new album. What I do know is that they were fantastic. I know I liked what I heard, I just can't remember what that was. I do remember a shot of whiskey and that's about it. DON'T JUDGE ME!!!!
Saturday night back at Silver Dollar was by far the cherries on this weekends whipped cream covered tits. One of the best live bands EVER graced the Toronto stage... They are Canailles from Montreal. I saw them at Sappyfest and they were my ultimate favourite then, and they came nowhere near disappointing this time. Beams from Toronto opened for them first and they were fucking amazing. One of the dudes played a SAW. A MOTHER FUCKING SAW. And he didn't cut himself and die like I would have. It was impressive to say the least.
Canaille hit the stage after them and just blew every swamp-country boner in the room at least 7 times. Per song. THAT is how good they are. were. whatever. I honestly don't think I've ever enjoyed a band more than I enjoy Canailles. They have the funniest characters in the band, the best stage presence and the greatest knack for involving the audience. They even called me out for not singing at one point because a friend of mine was distracting me, and made us all sing the chorus again and again and again to make up for it. OOPS! It was fucking amazing. Too amazing for words, so this review is not going to do them justice. You seriously just have to see them. It's worth the bus ticket to Montreal, seriously. Orchards, also from Toronto, finished the show and were the perfect match to wind down the night. From their incredible vocals to the unique way of drumming (each member has one drum at their feet) they managed to hold their own against the best band in the world and STILL impress me. FuCk YeS.
Holy shit, Parts & Labour moved their shit around and it's the SHIT!
I haven't been there in a while because it started to be an irritating place to visit, but with the bar on the other side of the venue and NO MORE MIDDLE TABLES blocking the way to the stage it's improved by about a zillion awesome points.
I only stayed for Brews Willis last night, and some of the highlights include:
Tiny fart sound in mic, something I would have done when awkward on stage.
A song about big fat titties, and the demand for titties at the front for it
Oh yeah, and ALL THE SONGS THEY PLAYED = biggest highlight.
They reminded me a lot of The Ergs on surf boards with HUGE boners.
I'm not sure why they have boners exactly, maybe that's my metaphorical boner that I'm inducing into the picture. Not that I have a penis, but if at all physically possible I did have a boner last night. Boob boners maybe? Or ear boners... which is likely to have caused my eargasm (drip drip drop there goes an eargasm - Outkast).
Whatever the case may be I totally Lonely Island'ddd last night watching them.
(Lonely Island = Jizz In My Pants FYI, not sure why I couldn't just say I jizzed in my pants, hey maybe I have some class after all?)
I could have and WOULD have watched them play that same set over two more times instead of even having other bands on the bill. It would have been like watching the first 3 Die Hards, only with nobody dying and the only thing hard is....
Well I think that's obvious by now.
I didn't make this. Thank you google image! Whoever did this... don't sue.
Oh yeah, the bassist was my favourite. I wish I could play bass! Somebody teach me!
Back in 2009 when The Zolas released their 1st album Tic Toc Tic it so strongly depicted my musical taste (outside of punk rock that is) and everything I was drawn to back then.
It's 3 years later and they've just released their 2nd album Ancient Mars and somehow nailed me hard, in bed, giving me exactly what I wanted all over again.
This album is somehow less grand yet more intriguing in simplicity. Softer, noticeably older, leaning more towards sunny and surf-y and away from the circus-y feel of Tic Toc Tic.
I almost can't control my impatience as I try to learn the lyrics to each song, desperate to sing along because the beat in each track seems to demand that I do.
This is one of those albums that hook you instantly, leaving you to repeat it over and over and over, your mood relying on hearing it every single day for months, like a gorgeous boyfriend who is instantly there to comfort you whenever you need it, never when you don't, and only ever makes you smile without talking back or complaining about it.
That's kind of how I imagine George Clooney, therefore this album is the music of George Clooney. Make sense? No, not really, but then again nothing ever does on this site!
The Zolas aka George Clooney will be playing The Great Hall in Toronto on October 12th. SEE YOU THERE!
It's after midnight and I'm sailing down Toronto side streets on my bike with the brand-scolding (since spanking is no longer acceptable) new Emanuel And The Fear album ... that's right, FULL LENGTH ALBUM ... The Janus Mirror - not to be confused with The Anus Mirror, which would likely be a movie produced by the same guys who did Human Centipede, back with a light Cinderella-esque feature.
(I'm going to go ahead and copyright the shit out of that idea right now before they steal it.)
Anyway, I'm on my bike listening to the album and the setting around me couldn't be more perfect. The haunting female vocals bringing in the first track suits the gloomy, autumn night outside of my headphones, followed by the intense orchestral build up that encourages my legs to pump pump pump along with the rising tempo. Whipping back and forth through one-way streets with my mind completely immersed on the other side of The Janus Mirror. I start to slow down only at the end of the song as the singer starts passionately belting out Jeff Buckley-worthy notes and I get so blown away by it that if I don't stop I'll surely crash.
From then on I am stuck in this other world, just the music and me... I'm no longer on a bike anymore, instead I'm flying. It felt like I was in one of the worlds Dick Van Dyke had drawn on the sidewalk and Mary Poppins magically hopped them into. Only this world is a bit more mature, without kids or penguin waiters wearing petite bow ties.
I started to picture a Fantasia-esque scene where Jeff Buckley's ghost inhibits Conor Oberst's body, shares his soul, and together they make music with a huge orchestra.
(Should I copyright this idea too?)
And that is how I would sum up this album.
That, and FUCKING AMAZING. or BRILLIANT. or THE BEST. or SPECTACULAR.
One might even have to consider it: SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPIALIDOCIOUS.
Shit just got real for San Francisco punk rock with the release of The Shell Corporation's new EP Time and Pressure.
I would recommend this to fans of ANY of the Fat or Punk-O-Rama compilations back in my day. I hear some Hot Water Music and Strung Out components as well as many other 90's/2000's distinguishable punk elements.
Strong hooks and harmonies combine to create the kind of album that can transcend all its punk rawk sub-genres and find many lovers in each.
In other words, this EP is a slut. Or just a gorgeous woman with long legs, big breasts and blonde hurr.
WAIT, I'VE GOT IT DEAR WATSON!
This EP is.......................................
***drum roll please***
Within the last 20 minutes I went from feeling like Loki after shooting up a bunch of high rollin' douchebags to feeling like the Shit Demon as it rises from the toilet...only I'm doing the opposite and running to the bathroom instead.
Too much information?
That all said, my brain isn't functioning too well so I'm going to make this Dinosaur Jr review nice and short and quick... and coherent, if at all possible.
Last night I saw them and The Besnard Lakes for the first time at Lee's Palace, and holy me (shit) did it ever feel like a giant red check mark on the grand list of things to see in my life time.
The Besnard Lakes opened the show by rocking out far more than I expected them to, convincing me to go back and dust off their albums for another listen now that I've seen what they are capable of live. A little on the boring side on album, this was a great new impression of what and who they are and I have to admit I like them a LOT more now than I ever did before.
Dinosaur Jr, the legends themselves, hit the stage soon after and spectacularly solo'd their way through each of their amazing hits and many of their epic new tracks, the guitars and vocals fighting for power in the speakers the entire performance. The guitar won, it always does, but that's expected in the alternative rock genre this band respectively rules over in Dinosaur heaven.
It actually felt like each solo lasted for the entire Jurassic period, which blew my mind because this band is actually older than I am and I know I couldn't muster that much adrenaline in my fingers to keep them precisely plucking strings for half the amount of time that they did.
As I stood there watching the pink light reflecting off the drum symbols (a light which, soon after I made a note of this, the drummer amazingly hit forward with his stick so that it was no longer shining in his eyes... I'm assuming) I realized how fucking NORMAL and down to earth their performance was, considering they're a MASSIVELY popular band playing 3 nights at Lee's Palace in a row.
It made me respect them even more than I did going into the venue, if that's even possible.
Kids (I say kids, but they were mid-late 20 somethings like myself) were even crowd surfing and I kept expecting them to be sucked into a time warp that crowd-surfed them right back into the 90's. At least that's what it looked like from where I was standing, who knows if it was just the view, or the wine, or the music... whatever!
Definitely one of the most epic performances of my life and I'm so thankful to have gotten a chance to see it.
The Johnstones have been part of my life for so long I almost can’t remember life without them.
I’ve seen this band play to a handful of the most dedicated fans during a hardcore snowstorm in Oshawa that somehow didn’t cripple their performance, and I’ve seen them perform at the sold out Opera House, standing near the sound guy with Julian’s mom cheering her proud, hot little ass off as loud as she could.
I’ve probably seen them between like 52 and 77 times, I wish I kept count so I could get a tattoo when I hit 100! ;) You know what? I’ve NEVER been bored at a show, I’ve NEVER stepped outside or towards the bar during their performance thinking ‘I’ve seen this already’, and I’ve never passed up an opportunity to see them all over again.
This is a band who rules the world of live performance with costumes, jokes and the natural skill to entertain. Their live performance belongs in a museum, if there were such a museum for the art of live performance. Imagine a bunch of Johnstone robots wearing poo smeared pants or baby costumes or whatever dancing around behind a glass display.
I can always count on enjoying myself when I see these boys perform because of their crazy shticks, but what blows my mind is that I have yet to be disappointed with a
Johnstones album even LONG (Ryan Long) after I’ve packed up my checkered skanking shoes along with all my Aquabats and Busdrivers CDs.
Somehow the awkwardness of knowing the dudes behind the vocals and instruments coming out of my speakers has never hindered my ability to detach myself enough to fall in love with each album for the sake of the music itself. It's actually quite embarrassing how into the Suckis no exception.
Not only is it one of the most brilliant album titles, but within seconds of hitting play on "Bad, Bad Dream." I felt like I was back in high school, decked out a Mad Caddies T-shirt, plaid pants and those skankin’ shoes I mentioned earlier, dancing politely around other ska-heads and happily thinking that I will love ska until the day I die.
This new album is both the same as other Johnstones albums and yet entirely different sounding than anything they’ve done before. They have a knack when it comes to changing their style ever so slightly without the listener ever realizing that they’ve altered themselves in any way, giving the die hard fans more reason to love them and the new fans a reason to go back and listen to everything they’ve done before. It might have something to do with their impeccable jokes “cock block the cock”, or the ever-present comforting horn lines, or just the pure genius ability to write perfectly structured pop songs, but skapunk'd.
Whatever it is, it SUCKS.
Get it? You know, because of the name of the album? You get it, right?
For those of you who don't know me / are reading this site for the first time, there are few things I love more than the following:
- Bruce Willis (Armageddon is my FAV movie... if it weren't for B Wills we'd all be dead.)
- Boners (both talking about them and physically enjoying them)
- Sharks (I live every week like it's shark week)
- Swearing (because otherwise I'd have a vocabulary of only 4 words: "I have to poop" ...and doesn't "I have to fucking poop" or "I fucking have to poop" sound so much cooler?)
- Tits (hey, I'm female and straight but that doesn't mean I don't think breasts are the tits!)
- Jokes (ex: "Skate or Dad Mom" - Brews Willis)
- Puns (ex: "Thy King of Brewslehem" - Brews Willis)
- Sexual innuendos ("Go Faster Not Deeper" - Brews Willis)
- Punk Rock (duh)
- Surf tunes (double duh)
That said, it shouldn't be a shock to anybody out there that I FUCKING love Brews Willis and their awesome FUCKING album Nerped By a Zircon.
It's 10 tracks of literally everything I love, written into tight, catchy, surf-capable, gritty punk rock music.
In fact, this band is so far up my alley that they just ran into Sylvester Stallone and called it Paradise.
With that terrible fucking joke I leave you with:
A) TITS ( . )( . ) annnnd ( > )( > )
B) BREWS WILLIS MUSIC
So please forget all of the terribly dumb things I have said in this post and just listen to the band, h'okay?
You know those days when a bad mood hangs over your head like smelly fart fumes linger under the covers after a night of beer and nachos?
Well this week has felt like an elephant 'let one rip' into an air tight plastic bag and somehow fastened it tightly around my neck, suffocating me with the rank funk.
Not even google-ing synonyms for 'fart' seems to help.
Probably because it's not as funny as I hoped, and not the first time I've done it.
The smell really started to hit me when I put on my favourite band ever of right now, The Briggs, and just felt numb to each beat of the drum that used to kick my heart in to boner-gear.
But instead of sitting around bummed out about smelly butts, I have decided to look for inspiration from the influential people in my life.... like Link - he was able to overcome his mother being killed in the war (and in one story I believe his dad disowned him for an entire plot) and still became a great protector of his land, and saviour of the Princess.
Using music as my Magic Sword, I am creating a playlist of bands who can snap me out this stench of a week, and I call it....
Sarah the De-Funk'er of Homosapiens
First up on the list: Defiance, Ohio
The angstier songs like this one that sound almost Modest Mouse'like are the best for de-funking.
Next, any or all of these songs by The Magic never fail to put a smile on my face.
This one is a no brainer.
ANYTHING that Brendan Kelly has done will teach a bitch to stop her cryin'!
The cast of Star Wars singing "Call Me Maybe" is like the 2 greatest things in life combined to make everyone elated... or is it just me?
Frontier Ruckus make even the coldest hearts as warm as microwave popcorn kernels that didn't pop.
And just my luck my Ipod died... to be continued!!
Compared to bands like Joyce Manor, I had a bit of a predetermined idea of what Among Giants was going to sound like. With the first few strums of the guitar I was convinced I knew what was coming, some emotional pop punk along the lines of Dashboard Confessional. But then.... THE VOCALS HIT. And I'm like, WHOA, this guys balls must have dropped all the way to the floor when he went through puberty. And that's NOT what I was expecting from the normally overly boyish whiny voices of pop punk. At first I was too taken aback to like it. It just sounded so out of place and ... DEEP. The more I listen though the more the shock of the manliness on mic faded and the more I started to appreciate the contrast. The music is definitely part of the Joyce Manor, Man Overboard, Osker type emo/pop/punk family, but the vocals actually do more to set them apart from boringly disappearing into that genre. Sometimes it makes me cringe, but I kind of like that it has such an effect on me. If anything it's memorable among an overcrowded and overdone style of music these days.
I have a couple of newish (was new, but I took too long to get to them) albums from Lockjaw Records (who should really consider my slogan in the title, I think it's clever, and I'll give it to them for FREE!) that you should probably check out.
Just so you know I know a girl who got lockjaw from sucking dick. I hope she doesn't read this... either way it makes my slogan true AND funny!
First off here's an EP by The Bastard Sons for you to check out. For fans of Gallows, Cancer Bats, The Bronx and all those other awesome riff-heavy rock'n'roll infused punk bands. Go ahead, just listen! It's bookmark worthy for future listen. I say that because I just did it, so it's TOTALLY TRUE! (Wow, what a great review. It rhymes, but it still sucks cock.... LOCKJAW... okay what the fuck am I saying?) Just listen:
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh The second band is called Anchors and they have a new album called Lost At The Bottom Of The World and I'm fucking obsessed with it. They remind me of Belvedere a lot, with the best kind of slurring lisp-like punk rock vocals that melt my heart... and vagina. OooOoOoOOOooooOo! Scandalous! Check out this song here:
If you like this song I'm going to go out on a limb and ... whatever. Kidding. ... and say you'll love this impertinent electro-punk band whose song "About Last Night" just screams 'Liam Lynch', as well as 'fuck you', with a 'whatever' attitude. With mention of horror movies and computer games in their bio and songs I find the electro part of their punk rock nerdy enough to be forgivable, maybe even lovable! Even if you're not a fan of that electromumbojumbo it's a small price for your ears to pay until hearing the better sound of punk rock which they do oh so well... the song "Rich Kids Playground" for example is a great tune, worthy of 'whatever'ing some cheesy electronics to get to it.
Holy moly everybOdy, it's been a while since I've felt so inspired to write an album review hasn't it tho? For some reason, probably a positive one, I can't not write about this new Gallows album right now. I mean, there are so many things I'd rather be doing at this very moment.. such as reading my Charlie Louvin book, playing God of War or Echo the Dolphin, watching the latest America's Next Top Model (even though I fucking hate every single episode and Tyra Banks and the last few seasons themed shit I can't fucking stop watching the stupid show. you can tape down your tits all you want but you'll never be able to piss write your name in the snow) or sleeping. Yet here I am, writing a review. I think it's due to how hard I've been anticipating this since Wade MacNeil joined and my favourite ginger punk departed. I LOVEd Gallows and to think of an ex-Alexisonfire member fronting such a good fucking band was like thinking of losing a family member and some stranger appearing in their place expecting acceptance. My first reaction was to scream NO and spit in the face of their new album. I absolutely despised Alexisonfire and it's been really hard to see Wade as a separate entity. Black Lungs is probably the only reason that I even gave him+Gallows a chance. Black Lungs are a great band, and they definitely pushed me towards seeing him in positive light. While he can't match Frank's impeccable scrocals (scream+vocals? too much like scrotum? no? yes?) Wade's voice actually doesn't sound half bad, and the music is still the same dirty cock rock punk as the first 2 albums. Thank Jebus the nitty gritty Bronx-esque sound has not been affected at all, and instead of fitting into the previous vocals like Cinderella's foot into that uncomfortable looking glass slipper.. Wade shatters the shoe into pieces, kicks away the debris and makes it work in his own damn shoes.
So... uh... I respect a member of Alexisonfire now. WHOA.
What would Miley Cyrus sound like if she took hormone pills and got a penis transplant then multiplied herself by 4 and started a band to REALLY distance herself from that Disney image? She would sound like crap. And that crap would be called This Century. I'm sure hundreds of little girls are going to attack me for saying that, but as the lyrics go: "she don't care, and I don't care". She being Miley Cyrus, because she's got enough on her plate fending off those lesbian rumours and Justin Beiber comparisons since she chopped off her lovely locks. The music is "cute"... I'll give you that. My question then is: if you take a honkin' load of dog POO, and put flowers in it and sprinkle sparkles around it... is it still SHIT? Also known as: Manure. All the 'do do's and 'la la's in the world can not transform this music from the crap it is into beautiful and lovely .
It seems almost meant-to-be, the way I got around to this review almost a month after it was asked of me, after I had re-discovered my obsession for Jeff Buckley this weekend past, and a few weeks after catching Deftones at Heavy T.O.! Fleeting Circus are a Brazilian indie/alt rock quartet who bear a striking resemblance to the eerie genius of Jeff Buckley's more ambitious & rockin' album Sketches For My Sweetheart The Drunk... the one that he never got to finish. This new EP Dream World Of Magic (Chronic-what-cles of Narnia inspired?) by Fleeting Circus almost feels like an extension of Buckley's last attempt, with a heavier 2000's twist to it that is reminiscent of Deftones signature style. In many ways this makes their EP brilliant to my ears, but the unfortunate backlash to being compared to such a set of pipes (in both the above cases, mainly Buckley) is that the vocals will fall pathetically short no matter how great they are sans comparison. And they are great otherwise. This is the type of band I never would have given another chance to had I not recently reminded myself of my Buckley and Deftones love, only based on their style of music not typically stiffening my prick as of late. That considered, I am now stiff as a board listening to the EP below.
It was a hot and sweaty Friday night. The moon was full and fit for the transformation from regular ol' Whateverwolf to the bigger, badder, meaner, cleaner, keener'er FOREVERWOLF, the new full length from Careers In Science.
At the strike of midnight (for the purpose of a cool story... in reality it was probably not exactly midnight) the mad scientists hit the stage decked out in wolf shirts, and with the first strum of the guitars and the initial kick of the bass drum they mutated before our eyes from nerdy humans to anthropomorphic weremusicians! AND THEY DOMINATED THE BOVINE LIKE MICHAEL J. FOX DOMINATES THE BASKETBALL COURT IN TEEN WOLF. Observe:
They weren't the only stars of the night though. Buddy Black kicked off the party with one of the most killer sets I've witnessed in a long time, re-shocking me with how fucking awesome him and his band are. Did I mention that the bassist was wearing a cape? And never once addressed it? Cue my superhero lady boner. I could have called it a night after just watching him, but this was only the beginning!
Pkew Pkew Pkew were up next, and apparently their brofriends thought they were headlining and wasted a bunch of beer bro'ing down at the front and annoying everybody else in the joint, including myself who hooked the bands up with the Bovine for this show to begin with. The brosonas turned me off even wanting to hear the music they were bro'ing down to (even though the band is actually awesome when you broproof yourself to hear them) and they better hope that they didn't fuck me over for booking the venue again by being brotarded.
The Victim Party also played, and killed it, and their one singers wasted facial expressions made my life. They're always great though, so it was no surprise, and since the night was about Careers I will just end my praising here for this band. My only question to half the band was... where were you during the rest of the sets? Question mark ? I saw a few of them in and around during the other performances, but noticed most hung around outside for Careers CD release set, and that made me sad.
HOWEVER, Ian Blurton from C'Mon and like a thousand other awesome things showed up for some of the show, and that's fucking awesome.
It's really funny to think back to the 90's/2000's and the songs I sang along to verrrry loudly in my bedroom while my parents cooked dinner right below me. I don't think I even knew what it meant back then, or I was just too dumb to think about it. Naive? I did grow up in the country... I obviously knew songs like A.D.I.D.A.S. by KoRn were about sex, it just had to be said like 50 times over. The more classy ones I can understand not really getting so young... like "I Touch Myself", "How Many Licks", "Liquid Dreams" and "Da Dip"... those were pretty discrete right? I mean, I still don't really know if "Da Dip" was actually about dancing.
(okay, I'm sure it's about dancing... I just really like the song and wanted to mention it... and I'm just scarred enough to know anything is possible with those lyrics) What were our parents thinking? I mean, they expected this type of language from 'that gosh darn rap music' but weren't these mix 99.9 hits? MuchMusic? MTV... wouldn't surprise me. it loves pregnancy.
I literally would screeeeaam this song on repeat in my old and not at all sound proof house every day... (please don't judge me)
yikes. sorry ma & pa
and this was a huuuuge hit at school:
this one at dances... IT'S ABOUT DANCING BONERSSSS, come on authority!!!
"I wonder if she can tell I'm hard right now, hm" ... the way he says it is so Family Matters, as if it's rated TGIF..
I had this album. (you're judging me aren't you?) and purposely learned EVERY WORD TO THIS SONG so I could sing along. NEVER did I realize what I was saying.
did the same with this gem:
and finally, but not lastly, our parents worst nightmare.
Then there's DJ Assault. Only including him based on the hilarity. I saw him DJ once in Toronto... jealous?
*sorry for all the stupid ad's attaching themselves like leeches to my words. I don't know why it's happening or how to stop it. WAH*
Remember that song "Sometime Around Midnight" by The Airborne Toxic Event? If you like that song you'll like this new band called Aduro. Their track "Hearts On Fire" sounds weirdly similar, and the rest of the songs on their EP with the same title have the same sound. The band emailed me saying they were a band I needed to hear, quoting a bunch of awesome press with lines like
"Rock that most of today's alternative bands can't begin to compete with."--PopCultureShock
Let me just say this: I DON'T GET IT. To me they are just another droning, indie rock band I will never care for. I'm bored to tears by the end of the 4 tracks. They sound like a windy fart lethargically protruding from the bum of The Airborne Toxic Event's success. There's a reason why you haven't heard about Airborne lately, it's because the music is easily forgettable and that one single has used up all the cares of those who like to be bored to shits. If bands can't 'begin to compete' with them it's by choice.
This is one of those times I feel bad about writing what I'm writing because the band was so nice to me. Whomp whomp!
I'm absolutely fucking loving the new Darko EP From Trust To Conformity. Fast-paced rigid punk rock filled with shredding guitar solos worthy of any metal band OR A Wilhelm Scream and frantic vocals that strip your ears of sanity and make you feel like this:
Willie Ames is a self taught guitar/banjo player. He's truly one of the most unique, REAL acoustic folk singer/songwriters I've heard in a very long time and listening to his new album Night Owl makes me feel like my soul is growing older and wiser as he finger picks his wisdom into song. His style is insanely yet subtly different than most, pick-less playing with bare-hand strumming/slapping... it's almost hard to focus on both his guitar/banjo and the lyrics all at the same time. Every track is more beautiful than the last, even as you loop the album on repeat. Despite his complicated technique the music itself comes off effortless and relaxes the listener into a state of ease, full of pleasure. Listen for yourself.
I'm a lazy motherfucker and pathetically scurrrred of thunder storms so instead of hitting up Heavy T.O. first thing yesterday morning I procrastinated by sleeping the fuck in, dying my hair, making cookies, and re-watching Eastbound & Down for a good chunk of the morning/afternoon. SO METAL. The only thing that got my butt out of the house was Dillinger Escape Plan. I'm proud of myself, and my face is happy because THEY FUCKED IT, RIGHT OFF. Seriously. Fucked my FUCKING FACE OFF. With their HEAVY DICKSSSS. The singer looked like Mike The Situation and it nearly ruined things for me until his voice literally fucked my head from one ear to the other. My head is still smoking from their performance. Trivium were next and were great, but really do we care if we're a better crowd than Montreal? Fuck no. We care that the fucking bands are better here today than anywhere else on their tour. Fuck that 'louder than Montreal' noise. Trivium were certain we were the best while I was unaware of any competition, and it got really annoying. Unfortunately it kind of became a theme of the night after that. I guess that's the only thing metal bands have to say to a collection of their youngest fans. For realz. I was one of the oldest people I saw there, it was littered with pups who weren't even BORN when most of the bands playing were at their prime. Yet some kid STILL had the guff to tell me that I looked lost at the festival. Because I was wearing GREEN (gods of metal forbid) and JEAN SHORTS. Oopsidaisie? The best part of Heavy T.O. was never having to wait between bands. As soon as Trivium ended on one stage Suicidal Tendencies started on another. It was great. I never thought I would get to see this band, EVER. It was a total 'holy fuck' experience, even if the singer does rub me the wrong way for some reason. Again, maybe the whole playing to children thing was throwing them off.. the guitarists were insane (by the way who was the young one? hmmmmm?) the drummer even MORE insane and the bassist NEON insane. And they solo'd their asses off. They kept making the crowd yell 'S T' but I kept mistaking it for 'ASS CHEEK' and ended up convincing a few stupid kids that's what they were saying. SO METAL! I almost didn't stick it out any longer because of the rain, my fear of it storming, no place to sit, being covered like COVERED in mud and being alone and constantly bothered by drunk idiots who thought they were tough. But I used to love In Flames and decided to stick around to see how they were. Which was awesome. Unfortunately I was in line for a terrible $8 poutine the whole set, ended up eating only until the few cheese curds I was given were gone and tossed the thing in the garbage. So glad to see vendors ripping teens wallets apart for such CRAP food. Horrible. If I learned anything yesterday it was that metal heads are happier than hippies in the mud. Guys kept trying to show how heavy they were by jumping in the huge mud puddles WHILE A CROWD WAS AROUND THEM. Not that anybody could really care at that point because you're already soaked and look like you've been waist deep in your toilet, but still. I decided it would be stupid to leave and not see Marilyn Manson since I'd already stayed for so long. I'm glad, watching him made me feel like I was literally re-living the 90's. But, as a twist, I was re-living it WITH KIDS BORN IN THE 90's. SO METAL. Manson seemed to realize this and played pretty much only the big hits, and didn't seem nearly as crazy as I thought he would be. Maybe Manson is partied out? Who knows. My favourite part of this performance was the guy who had to keep running on stage every time Manson threw/kicked/tossed his mic stand down, which was every song maybe more than once. Poor guy! I hope he gets paid a shit load. I wasn't sure if I should watch Slipknot until they opened with songs off the first album. I was instantly lured in to the heavy 90's heaven. They had marching band dudes, drummers everywhere including IN THE AIR... and it was incredible. They really put on a cool show. When they played "Wait and Bleed" I blew my 90's load all over the kids (ew, that's wrong) and peace'd the fuck out.
Sappyfest 2012 was dicks down the coolest and most laid back music festival I have ever been to. It was made up of the greatest group of bands/musicians and included something from practically every genre out there (except ragga, because RAGGA SUCKS). I don't recall seeing a band I didn't like over 3 days packed with shows and for a judgemental jerk such as myself that's huge. Usually festivals like this attract douchebags and drunk idiots like fruit flies to beer, but somehow, SOMEHOW I didn't get any inkling of such from ANYBODY at the festival.
Is Sappyfest heaven on earth for us who can handle our liquor and can't handle fist pumping bros? YES. Hidden in swampy small town Sackville, New Brunswick, catering largely to East Coast'ers and the bands who play, I declare Sappyfest a little slice of heaven in the otherwise douchebag dumbass pukey idiot-filled scene that is summer music festivals. And if there must be a God to bind the heavenly label, it would be the dude who did the lights. I dub him HYPERION.
Amen to Sappyfest.
Canailles You can tell a festival will be a good one when you already want to label the first band as THE BEST BAND OF THE ENTIRE FESTIVAL. Canailles from Montreal popped this years sappy cherry with their entirely French mucky jamboree style party folk and blew me the fuck away into their musical swamp of AWESOME. Not only was the music alone enough to wet my pants (with more than swamp water) but the way they interacted with the crowd, jumping off stage to get us to square dance with them, then ushering us all to get real low - which I've NEVER seen happen successfully until I saw everybody doing it for them - during a quiet moment in a song before marionette'ing us back up into an all out dance party. All this was happening in time to their own choreography playing out on the stage, none of which came of even the slightest bit cheesy - another first. Holy Canaille-y Batman. After seeing the rest of the fest I still declare this band the best of the best.
Metz I LOVE METZ. I have seen them before but never as close as I was this time, and I felt like I was watching heaven crash down onto the stage as they played. It was like hearing, feeling and BEING an orgasm from start to finish. Their noise/grunge was the pussy and I the penis, and the mosh pit the friction between us. I think I pulled my leg during their set, but I felt no pain. METZBONERZ!
YAMANTAKA//SONIC TITAN This band creeped the shit out of me with their puppet-like Asian walking crowd terrorizing things (I have Pupaphobia, fuck off) before actually enthralling me. But they did end up enthralling me, which I guess is the point. Even thinking back to their set makes my heart shake in my chest. I loved the singers vocals though, they seemed to pulse and grow with the noise rock they pumped out behind the stupid mask shit. They were enchanting, with emphasis on the 'chanting' because, well, they chanted. It was intense in a tribe-from-a-Disney-movie kind of way, which is the best way ever. Nerverock. Terrifyingly rocked to smithereens was I. And in the end, when that THING was no longer visible, I loved it.
Cold Warps I love this band and was looking forward to seeing them....but they kind of disappointed me. I don't know if it was because of the outdoor area where they played causing the sound to be off and the singer to wobble on the hilly plains, or whether it was them being hungover/drunk/lazy/hot/bothered or what, but they just didn't blow me away whatsoever.
Tomboyfriend Tomboyfriend are a band like no other. They sound (and sometimes look) like Rocky Horror meets the Island of Misfit Toys (which were always the coolest toys) starring David Bowie and Queen. The main singer was BALLSY as fuck to hit the stage in his underwear, and was by far my favourite performer all weekend. He kind of reminded me of Will Ferrell as Harry Caray, meant in the most wonderful of ways. Everybody else sang as well, and the two keyboardists sung a song together that just blew me with her Jewel/Shakira-like voice and his Groban'esque sound. Everything about them was fabulous. TORONTO REPRESENT!
The Blow I lied above when I said I liked everybody who played this fest. At the time I was not impressed by she who is The Blow. I kind of thought she blew. But now, reading more about her, I feel differently. Main stage material... no, only because I wasn't in the mood, but at the same time the fact that most fests would never give that type of thing the chance on the main stage and Sappyfest threw her up there says a lot about the type of fest it is, and I respect that.
Michael Hurley I had the honour of watching Michael Hurley, the legendary folk singer/songwriter whom I had only heard of but never heard. Despite the blasted heat in the unairconditioned hall, he was hotter and that was cool enough to keep me in my seat. (wow, that was terrible) His musical stories sounded as if the spirits of Hank Williams and Roger Miller were helping him write and perform, sitting there alone on stage, just him and his acoustic guitar. He is a very interesting character to watch and it's quite mesmerising. Especially when he burps into the mic and carries on as if the sound wasn't echoed through speakers surrounding an audience.
Cousins Ok. So at this point it's nearing a week and a half vacation of driving, drinking, camping, drinking, sight seeing, drinking, Sappyfest and lots of drinking, so my note taking became a bit sparse and my memory quite sloppy. I remember Cousins KILLING it though. They blew me the fuck away. Greatest chick drummer and the coolest screaming guitar player, a combination that sounded WAY bigger than just the two of them on stage. They actually gave me chills, every time he did his scream my vagina screamed along with him.
Bruce Peninsula I've heard this band before, liked them, but then forgot about them. On album they're kind of like that, but live they're a totally different ball game. And I love ball games, of many sorts. Amazing murky swamp rock with a performance to match that of Canailles in fun-ness. And the vocals... WOW. The one dude especially. Whattahowl. My new favourite live band.
Deloro From Toronto, but I've never heard of them? Another odd yet respectable choice for the main stage. Guy and gal guitarists making love with guitars while rippin' rockin' romantic jams. I really liked them, especially the song "Sleep".
Timber Timbre Swamp magic they called it. Perfect description. I loved it. Total locomotion music, songs for train travels. Love TT.
Thee Silver Mt. Zion I think this was the not so secret secret show? Who knows. Not a band I thought I liked too much, way too slow and boring on CD. Live though? THEY WERE FUCKING AWESOME. The drummer was nuts and never made sense to me, the singer belted it out never quite facing the audience, all I could see was his hair and side, TWO violins stroking my ear penai. NOT boring at all live. Trance-like, actually. The violins control how you feel. I died a wee bit. Never will I