No Wonder We're So Vulgar!

It's really funny to think back to the 90's/2000's and the songs I sang along to verrrry loudly in my bedroom while my parents cooked dinner right below me. I don't think I even knew what it meant back then, or I was just too dumb to think about it. Naive? I did grow up in the country...
I obviously knew songs like A.D.I.D.A.S. by KoRn were about sex, it just had to be said like 50 times over.
The more classy ones I can understand not really getting so young... like "I Touch Myself", "How Many Licks", "Liquid Dreams" and "Da Dip"... those were pretty discrete right? I mean, I still don't really know if "Da Dip" was actually about dancing.

(okay, I'm sure it's about dancing... I just really like the song and wanted to mention it... and I'm just scarred enough to know anything is possible with those lyrics)
What were our parents thinking? I mean, they expected this type of language from 'that gosh darn rap music' but weren't these mix 99.9 hits? MuchMusic?
MTV... wouldn't surprise me. it loves pregnancy.

I literally would screeeeaam this song on repeat in my old and not at all sound proof house every day... (please don't judge me)

yikes. sorry ma & pa

and this was a huuuuge hit at school:


this one at dances... IT'S ABOUT DANCING BONERSSSS, come on authority!!!

"I wonder if she can tell I'm hard right now, hm" ... the way he says it is so Family Matters, as if it's rated TGIF..

I had this album. (you're judging me aren't you?) and purposely learned EVERY WORD TO THIS SONG so I could sing along. NEVER did I realize what I was saying.


did the same with this gem:


and finally, but not lastly, our parents worst nightmare.




Then there's DJ Assault. Only including him based on the hilarity. I saw him DJ once in Toronto... jealous?




*sorry for all the stupid ad's attaching themselves like leeches to my words. I don't know why it's happening or how to stop it. WAH*

I'm Sarah. I do what I want.

Aduro... more like A-Bore-O

Remember that song "Sometime Around Midnight" by The Airborne Toxic Event?
If you like that song you'll like this new band called Aduro.
Their track "Hearts On Fire" sounds weirdly similar, and the rest of the songs on their EP with the same title have the same sound.
The band emailed me saying they were a band I needed to hear, quoting a bunch of awesome press with lines like
"Rock that most of today's alternative bands can't begin to compete with."--PopCultureShock
Let me just say this: I DON'T GET IT. To me they are just another droning, indie rock band I will never care for. I'm bored to tears by the end of the 4 tracks.
They sound like a windy fart lethargically protruding from the bum of The Airborne Toxic Event's success. There's a reason why you haven't heard about Airborne lately, it's because the music is easily forgettable and that one single has used up all the cares of those who like to be bored to shits.
If bands can't 'begin to compete' with them it's by choice.


This is one of those times I feel bad about writing what I'm writing because the band was so nice to me. Whomp whomp!

On a lighter note, what the hell are these!?


I'm Sarah. I do what I want.

Darko, sans Donnie

I'm absolutely fucking loving the new Darko EP From Trust To Conformity. Fast-paced rigid punk rock filled with shredding guitar solos worthy of any metal band OR A Wilhelm Scream and frantic vocals that strip your ears of sanity and make you feel like this:

Goddamn that's some good shit.



Pre-order the album HERE! Out September 7th.

I'm Sarah. I do what I want.

Willie Ames - Night Owl" HOOO HOOO

Willie Ames is a self taught guitar/banjo player. He's truly one of the most unique, REAL acoustic folk singer/songwriters I've heard in a very long time and listening to his new album Night Owl makes me feel like my soul is growing older and wiser as he finger picks his wisdom into song. His style is insanely yet subtly different than most, pick-less playing with bare-hand strumming/slapping... it's almost hard to focus on both his guitar/banjo and the lyrics all at the same time.
Every track is more beautiful than the last, even as you loop the album on repeat.
Despite his complicated technique the music itself comes off effortless and relaxes the listener into a state of ease, full of pleasure.
Listen for yourself.





I'm Sarah. I do what I want.

Chase Me Manhattan !

Ready for some great new pop punk for those angsty ears of yours? I've got it for ya right here, right now.

HEAVY T.O. Day 1

I'm a lazy motherfucker and pathetically scurrrred of thunder storms so instead of hitting up Heavy T.O. first thing yesterday morning I procrastinated by sleeping the fuck in, dying my hair, making cookies, and re-watching Eastbound & Down for a good chunk of the morning/afternoon. SO METAL.
The only thing that got my butt out of the house was Dillinger Escape Plan.
I'm proud of myself, and my face is happy because THEY FUCKED IT, RIGHT OFF.
Seriously. Fucked my FUCKING FACE OFF.
With their HEAVY DICKSSSS.
The singer looked like Mike The Situation and it nearly ruined things for me until his voice literally fucked my head from one ear to the other.
My head is still smoking from their performance.
Trivium were next and were great, but really do we care if we're a better crowd than Montreal? Fuck no. We care that the fucking bands are better here today than anywhere else on their tour. Fuck that 'louder than Montreal' noise. Trivium were certain we were the best while I was unaware of any competition, and it got really annoying. Unfortunately it kind of became a theme of the night after that. I guess that's the only thing metal bands have to say to a collection of their youngest fans.
For realz. I was one of the oldest people I saw there, it was littered with pups who weren't even BORN when most of the bands playing were at their prime.
Yet some kid STILL had the guff to tell me that I looked lost at the festival. Because I was wearing GREEN (gods of metal forbid) and JEAN SHORTS. Oopsidaisie?
The best part of Heavy T.O. was never having to wait between bands. As soon as Trivium ended on one stage Suicidal Tendencies started on another. It was great. I never thought I would get to see this band, EVER. It was a total 'holy fuck' experience, even if the singer does rub me the wrong way for some reason. Again, maybe the whole playing to children thing was throwing them off.. the guitarists were insane (by the way who was the young one? hmmmmm?) the drummer even MORE insane and the bassist NEON insane. And they solo'd their asses off. They kept making the crowd yell 'S T' but I kept mistaking it for 'ASS CHEEK' and ended up convincing a few stupid kids that's what they were saying. SO METAL!
I almost didn't stick it out any longer because of the rain, my fear of it storming, no place to sit, being covered like COVERED in mud and being alone and constantly bothered by drunk idiots who thought they were tough. But I used to love In Flames and decided to stick around to see how they were. Which was awesome. Unfortunately I was in line for a terrible $8 poutine the whole set, ended up eating only until the few cheese curds I was given were gone and tossed the thing in the garbage. So glad to see vendors ripping teens wallets apart for such CRAP food. Horrible.
If I learned anything yesterday it was that metal heads are happier than hippies in the mud. Guys kept trying to show how heavy they were by jumping in the huge mud puddles WHILE A CROWD WAS AROUND THEM. Not that anybody could really care at that point because you're already soaked and look like you've been waist deep in your toilet, but still.
I decided it would be stupid to leave and not see Marilyn Manson since I'd already stayed for so long. I'm glad, watching him made me feel like I was literally re-living the 90's. But, as a twist, I was re-living it WITH KIDS BORN IN THE 90's. SO METAL. Manson seemed to realize this and played pretty much only the big hits, and didn't seem nearly as crazy as I thought he would be. Maybe Manson is partied out? Who knows. My favourite part of this performance was the guy who had to keep running on stage every time Manson threw/kicked/tossed his mic stand down, which was every song maybe more than once. Poor guy! I hope he gets paid a shit load.
I wasn't sure if I should watch Slipknot until they opened with songs off the first album. I was instantly lured in to the heavy 90's heaven. They had marching band dudes, drummers everywhere including IN THE AIR... and it was incredible. They really put on a cool show. When they played "Wait and Bleed" I blew my 90's load all over the kids (ew, that's wrong) and peace'd the fuck out.

I'm Sarah. I do what I want.

SPOT THE THONG:





SAPPYFEST: Putting the HIP in HIPPIE since 2006

Sappyfest 2012 was dicks down the coolest and most laid back music festival I have ever been to.
It was made up of the greatest group of bands/musicians and included something from practically every genre out there (except ragga, because RAGGA SUCKS).
I don't recall seeing a band I didn't like over 3 days packed with shows and for a judgemental jerk such as myself that's huge.
Usually festivals like this attract douchebags and drunk idiots like fruit flies to beer, but somehow, SOMEHOW I didn't get any inkling of such from ANYBODY at the festival.

Is Sappyfest heaven on earth for us who can handle our liquor and can't handle fist pumping bros?
YES.
Hidden in swampy small town Sackville, New Brunswick, catering largely to East Coast'ers and the bands who play, I declare Sappyfest a little slice of heaven in the otherwise douchebag dumbass pukey idiot-filled scene that is summer music festivals.
And if there must be a God to bind the heavenly label, it would be the dude who did the lights. I dub him HYPERION.

Amen to Sappyfest.


Day 1:

Canailles
You can tell a festival will be a good one when you already want to label the first band as THE BEST BAND OF THE ENTIRE FESTIVAL. Canailles from Montreal popped this years sappy cherry with their entirely French mucky jamboree style party folk and blew me the fuck away into their musical swamp of AWESOME. Not only was the music alone enough to wet my pants (with more than swamp water) but the way they interacted with the crowd, jumping off stage to get us to square dance with them, then ushering us all to get real low - which I've NEVER seen happen successfully until I saw everybody doing it for them - during a quiet moment in a song before marionette'ing us back up into an all out dance party. All this was happening in time to their own choreography playing out on the stage, none of which came of even the slightest bit cheesy - another first. Holy Canaille-y Batman. After seeing the rest of the fest I still declare this band the best of the best.


Metz
I LOVE METZ. I have seen them before but never as close as I was this time, and I felt like I was watching heaven crash down onto the stage as they played. It was like hearing, feeling and BEING an orgasm from start to finish. Their noise/grunge was the pussy and I the penis, and the mosh pit the friction between us. I think I pulled my leg during their set, but I felt no pain. METZBONERZ!


YAMANTAKA//SONIC TITAN
This band creeped the shit out of me with their puppet-like Asian walking crowd terrorizing things (I have Pupaphobia, fuck off) before actually enthralling me. But they did end up enthralling me, which I guess is the point. Even thinking back to their set makes my heart shake in my chest. I loved the singers vocals though, they seemed to pulse and grow with the noise rock they pumped out behind the stupid mask shit. They were enchanting, with emphasis on the 'chanting' because, well, they chanted. It was intense in a tribe-from-a-Disney-movie kind of way, which is the best way ever. Nerverock. Terrifyingly rocked to smithereens was I. And in the end, when that THING was no longer visible, I loved it.



Day 2:

Cold Warps
I love this band and was looking forward to seeing them....but they kind of disappointed me. I don't know if it was because of the outdoor area where they played causing the sound to be off and the singer to wobble on the hilly plains, or whether it was them being hungover/drunk/lazy/hot/bothered or what, but they just didn't blow me away whatsoever.


Tomboyfriend
Tomboyfriend are a band like no other. They sound (and sometimes look) like Rocky Horror meets the Island of Misfit Toys (which were always the coolest toys) starring David Bowie and Queen.
The main singer was BALLSY as fuck to hit the stage in his underwear, and was by far my favourite performer all weekend. He kind of reminded me of Will Ferrell as Harry Caray, meant in the most wonderful of ways.
Everybody else sang as well, and the two keyboardists sung a song together that just blew me with her Jewel/Shakira-like voice and his Groban'esque sound.
Everything about them was fabulous. TORONTO REPRESENT!


The Blow
I lied above when I said I liked everybody who played this fest. At the time I was not impressed by she who is The Blow. I kind of thought she blew. But now, reading more about her, I feel differently. Main stage material... no, only because I wasn't in the mood, but at the same time the fact that most fests would never give that type of thing the chance on the main stage and Sappyfest threw her up there says a lot about the type of fest it is, and I respect that.

Day 3:

Michael Hurley
I had the honour of watching Michael Hurley, the legendary folk singer/songwriter whom I had only heard of but never heard. Despite the blasted heat in the unairconditioned hall, he was hotter and that was cool enough to keep me in my seat. (wow, that was terrible)
His musical stories sounded as if the spirits of Hank Williams and Roger Miller were helping him write and perform, sitting there alone on stage, just him and his acoustic guitar. He is a very interesting character to watch and it's quite mesmerising. Especially when he burps into the mic and carries on as if the sound wasn't echoed through speakers surrounding an audience.


Cousins
Ok. So at this point it's nearing a week and a half vacation of driving, drinking, camping, drinking, sight seeing, drinking, Sappyfest and lots of drinking, so my note taking became a bit sparse and my memory quite sloppy. I remember Cousins KILLING it though. They blew me the fuck away. Greatest chick drummer and the coolest screaming guitar player, a combination that sounded WAY bigger than just the two of them on stage. They actually gave me chills, every time he did his scream my vagina screamed along with him.


Bruce Peninsula
I've heard this band before, liked them, but then forgot about them. On album they're kind of like that, but live they're a totally different ball game. And I love ball games, of many sorts.
Amazing murky swamp rock with a performance to match that of Canailles in fun-ness. And the vocals... WOW. The one dude especially. Whattahowl. My new favourite live band.


Deloro
From Toronto, but I've never heard of them? Another odd yet respectable choice for the main stage.
Guy and gal guitarists making love with guitars while rippin' rockin' romantic jams.
I really liked them, especially the song "Sleep".

Timber Timbre
Swamp magic they called it. Perfect description. I loved it. Total locomotion music, songs for train travels. Love TT.


Thee Silver Mt. Zion
I think this was the not so secret secret show?
Who knows.
Not a band I thought I liked too much, way too slow and boring on CD.
Live though? THEY WERE FUCKING AWESOME. The drummer was nuts and never made sense to me, the singer belted it out never quite facing the audience, all I could see was his hair and side, TWO violins stroking my ear penai. NOT boring at all live. Trance-like, actually. The violins control how you feel. I died a wee bit. Never will I


THAT'S ALL FOLKS!

I'm Sarah. I do what I want.