HEAVY T.O. Day 1

I'm a lazy motherfucker and pathetically scurrrred of thunder storms so instead of hitting up Heavy T.O. first thing yesterday morning I procrastinated by sleeping the fuck in, dying my hair, making cookies, and re-watching Eastbound & Down for a good chunk of the morning/afternoon. SO METAL.
The only thing that got my butt out of the house was Dillinger Escape Plan.
I'm proud of myself, and my face is happy because THEY FUCKED IT, RIGHT OFF.
Seriously. Fucked my FUCKING FACE OFF.
With their HEAVY DICKSSSS.
The singer looked like Mike The Situation and it nearly ruined things for me until his voice literally fucked my head from one ear to the other.
My head is still smoking from their performance.
Trivium were next and were great, but really do we care if we're a better crowd than Montreal? Fuck no. We care that the fucking bands are better here today than anywhere else on their tour. Fuck that 'louder than Montreal' noise. Trivium were certain we were the best while I was unaware of any competition, and it got really annoying. Unfortunately it kind of became a theme of the night after that. I guess that's the only thing metal bands have to say to a collection of their youngest fans.
For realz. I was one of the oldest people I saw there, it was littered with pups who weren't even BORN when most of the bands playing were at their prime.
Yet some kid STILL had the guff to tell me that I looked lost at the festival. Because I was wearing GREEN (gods of metal forbid) and JEAN SHORTS. Oopsidaisie?
The best part of Heavy T.O. was never having to wait between bands. As soon as Trivium ended on one stage Suicidal Tendencies started on another. It was great. I never thought I would get to see this band, EVER. It was a total 'holy fuck' experience, even if the singer does rub me the wrong way for some reason. Again, maybe the whole playing to children thing was throwing them off.. the guitarists were insane (by the way who was the young one? hmmmmm?) the drummer even MORE insane and the bassist NEON insane. And they solo'd their asses off. They kept making the crowd yell 'S T' but I kept mistaking it for 'ASS CHEEK' and ended up convincing a few stupid kids that's what they were saying. SO METAL!
I almost didn't stick it out any longer because of the rain, my fear of it storming, no place to sit, being covered like COVERED in mud and being alone and constantly bothered by drunk idiots who thought they were tough. But I used to love In Flames and decided to stick around to see how they were. Which was awesome. Unfortunately I was in line for a terrible $8 poutine the whole set, ended up eating only until the few cheese curds I was given were gone and tossed the thing in the garbage. So glad to see vendors ripping teens wallets apart for such CRAP food. Horrible.
If I learned anything yesterday it was that metal heads are happier than hippies in the mud. Guys kept trying to show how heavy they were by jumping in the huge mud puddles WHILE A CROWD WAS AROUND THEM. Not that anybody could really care at that point because you're already soaked and look like you've been waist deep in your toilet, but still.
I decided it would be stupid to leave and not see Marilyn Manson since I'd already stayed for so long. I'm glad, watching him made me feel like I was literally re-living the 90's. But, as a twist, I was re-living it WITH KIDS BORN IN THE 90's. SO METAL. Manson seemed to realize this and played pretty much only the big hits, and didn't seem nearly as crazy as I thought he would be. Maybe Manson is partied out? Who knows. My favourite part of this performance was the guy who had to keep running on stage every time Manson threw/kicked/tossed his mic stand down, which was every song maybe more than once. Poor guy! I hope he gets paid a shit load.
I wasn't sure if I should watch Slipknot until they opened with songs off the first album. I was instantly lured in to the heavy 90's heaven. They had marching band dudes, drummers everywhere including IN THE AIR... and it was incredible. They really put on a cool show. When they played "Wait and Bleed" I blew my 90's load all over the kids (ew, that's wrong) and peace'd the fuck out.

I'm Sarah. I do what I want.

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