Shit Just Got Real, Son.

Shit just got real for San Francisco punk rock with the release of The Shell Corporation's new EP Time and Pressure.
I would recommend this to fans of ANY of the Fat or Punk-O-Rama compilations back in my day. I hear some Hot Water Music and Strung Out components as well as many other 90's/2000's distinguishable punk elements.
Strong hooks and harmonies combine to create the kind of album that can transcend all its punk rawk sub-genres and find many lovers in each.
In other words, this EP is a slut. Or just a gorgeous woman with long legs, big breasts and blonde hurr.
WAIT, I'VE GOT IT DEAR WATSON!
This EP is.......................................
***drum roll please***

PAMELA ANDERSON!!!!
Duh.

I'm Sarah. I do what I want.

Dinosaur Jr. w/ The Besnard Lakes @ Lee's Palace - Monday, September 24th

Within the last 20 minutes I went from feeling like Loki after shooting up a bunch of high rollin' douchebags to feeling like the Shit Demon as it rises from the toilet...only I'm doing the opposite and running to the bathroom instead.
Too much information?
Who cares!
That all said, my brain isn't functioning too well so I'm going to make this Dinosaur Jr review nice and short and quick... and coherent, if at all possible.
Last night I saw them and The Besnard Lakes for the first time at Lee's Palace, and holy me (shit) did it ever feel like a giant red check mark on the grand list of things to see in my life time.
The Besnard Lakes opened the show by rocking out far more than I expected them to, convincing me to go back and dust off their albums for another listen now that I've seen what they are capable of live. A little on the boring side on album, this was a great new impression of what and who they are and I have to admit I like them a LOT more now than I ever did before.

Dinosaur Jr, the legends themselves, hit the stage soon after and spectacularly solo'd their way through each of their amazing hits and many of their epic new tracks, the guitars and vocals fighting for power in the speakers the entire performance. The guitar won, it always does, but that's expected in the alternative rock genre this band respectively rules over in Dinosaur heaven.
It actually felt like each solo lasted for the entire Jurassic period, which blew my mind because this band is actually older than I am and I know I couldn't muster that much adrenaline in my fingers to keep them precisely plucking strings for half the amount of time that they did.
As I stood there watching the pink light reflecting off the drum symbols (a light which, soon after I made a note of this, the drummer amazingly hit forward with his stick so that it was no longer shining in his eyes... I'm assuming) I realized how fucking NORMAL and down to earth their performance was, considering they're a MASSIVELY popular band playing 3 nights at Lee's Palace in a row.
It made me respect them even more than I did going into the venue, if that's even possible.
Kids (I say kids, but they were mid-late 20 somethings like myself) were even crowd surfing and I kept expecting them to be sucked into a time warp that crowd-surfed them right back into the 90's. At least that's what it looked like from where I was standing, who knows if it was just the view, or the wine, or the music... whatever!
Definitely one of the most epic performances of my life and I'm so thankful to have gotten a chance to see it.


Sorry for the worst picture ever.

I'm Sarah. I do what I want.

Ode to The Johnstones


The Johnstones have been part of my life for so long I almost can’t remember life without them.
I’ve seen this band play to a handful of the most dedicated fans during a hardcore snowstorm in Oshawa that somehow didn’t cripple their performance, and I’ve seen them perform at the sold out Opera House, standing near the sound guy with Julian’s mom cheering her proud, hot little ass off as loud as she could.
I’ve probably seen them between like 52 and 77 times, I wish I kept count so I could get a tattoo when I hit 100! ;)  You know what? I’ve NEVER been bored at a show, I’ve NEVER stepped outside or towards the bar during their performance thinking ‘I’ve seen this already’, and I’ve never passed up an opportunity to see them all over again.
This is a band who rules the world of live performance with costumes, jokes and the natural skill to entertain. Their live performance belongs in a museum, if there were such a museum for the art of live performance. Imagine a bunch of Johnstone robots wearing poo smeared pants or baby costumes or whatever dancing around behind a glass display.
I can always count on enjoying myself when I see these boys perform because of their crazy shticks, but what blows my mind is that I have yet to be disappointed with a Johnstones album even LONG (Ryan Long) after I’ve packed up my checkered skanking shoes along with all my Aquabats and Busdrivers CDs.
Somehow the awkwardness of knowing the dudes behind the vocals and instruments coming out of my speakers has never hindered my ability to detach myself enough to fall in love with each album for the sake of the music itself. It's actually quite embarrassing how into the Suckis no exception.
Not only is it one of the most brilliant album titles, but within seconds of hitting play on "Bad, Bad Dream." I felt like I was back in high school, decked out a Mad Caddies T-shirt, plaid pants and those skankin’ shoes I mentioned earlier, dancing politely around other ska-heads and happily thinking that I will love ska until the day I die.
This new album is both the same as other Johnstones albums and yet entirely different sounding than anything they’ve done before. They have a knack when it comes to changing their style ever so slightly without the listener ever realizing that they’ve altered themselves in any way, giving the die hard fans more reason to love them and the new fans a reason to go back and listen to everything they’ve done before. It might have something to do with their impeccable jokes “cock block the cock”, or the ever-present comforting horn lines, or just the pure genius ability to write perfectly structured pop songs, but skapunk'd.
Whatever it is, it SUCKS.
Get it? You know, because of the name of the album? You get it, right?

www.facebook.com/THAJOHNSTONES



I'm Sarah. I do what I want.

Brews Willis, the band not Bruce's underage drunk daughter!

For those of you who don't know me / are reading this site for the first time, there are few things I love more than the following:

- Bruce Willis (Armageddon is my FAV movie... if it weren't for B Wills we'd all be dead.)


- Boners (both talking about them and physically enjoying them)

- Sharks (I live every week like it's shark week)

- Swearing (because otherwise I'd have a vocabulary of only 4 words: "I have to poop" ...and doesn't "I have to fucking poop" or "I fucking have to poop" sound so much cooler?)

- Tits (hey, I'm female and straight but that doesn't mean I don't think breasts are the tits!)

- Jokes (ex: "Skate or Dad Mom" - Brews Willis)

- Puns (ex: "Thy King of Brewslehem" - Brews Willis)

- Sexual innuendos ("Go Faster Not Deeper" - Brews Willis)

- Punk Rock (duh)

- Surf tunes (double duh)


That said, it shouldn't be a shock to anybody out there that I FUCKING love Brews Willis and their awesome FUCKING album Nerped By a Zircon.
It's 10 tracks of literally everything I love, written into tight, catchy, surf-capable, gritty punk rock music.
In fact, this band is so far up my alley that they just ran into Sylvester Stallone and called it Paradise.
BA-ZING.

With that terrible fucking joke I leave you with:
A) TITS ( . )( . ) annnnd ( > )( > )
and
B) BREWS WILLIS MUSIC

So please forget all of the terribly dumb things I have said in this post and just listen to the band, h'okay?

I'm Sarah. I do what I want.

My Thursday Quest To Defunct The Funk (PART 1)

You know those days when a bad mood hangs over your head like smelly fart fumes linger under the covers after a night of beer and nachos?
Well this week has felt like an elephant 'let one rip' into an air tight plastic bag and somehow fastened it tightly around my neck, suffocating me with the rank funk. Not even google-ing synonyms for 'fart' seems to help.
Probably because it's not as funny as I hoped, and not the first time I've done it.
The smell really started to hit me when I put on my favourite band ever of right now, The Briggs, and just felt numb to each beat of the drum that used to kick my heart in to boner-gear.
But instead of sitting around bummed out about smelly butts, I have decided to look for inspiration from the influential people in my life.... like Link - he was able to overcome his mother being killed in the war (and in one story I believe his dad disowned him for an entire plot) and still became a great protector of his land, and saviour of the Princess.
Using music as my Magic Sword, I am creating a playlist of bands who can snap me out this stench of a week, and I call it....


Sarah the De-Funk'er of Homosapiens

First up on the list: Defiance, Ohio The angstier songs like this one that sound almost Modest Mouse'like are the best for de-funking.

Next, any or all of these songs by The Magic never fail to put a smile on my face.

This one is a no brainer.

ANYTHING that Brendan Kelly has done will teach a bitch to stop her cryin'!


The cast of Star Wars singing "Call Me Maybe" is like the 2 greatest things in life combined to make everyone elated... or is it just me?

Frontier Ruckus make even the coldest hearts as warm as microwave popcorn kernels that didn't pop.



And just my luck my Ipod died... to be continued!!

I'm Sarah. I do what I want.

Among Giants

Compared to bands like Joyce Manor, I had a bit of a predetermined idea of what Among Giants was going to sound like.
With the first few strums of the guitar I was convinced I knew what was coming, some emotional pop punk along the lines of Dashboard Confessional.
But then.... THE VOCALS HIT.
And I'm like, WHOA, this guys balls must have dropped all the way to the floor when he went through puberty. And that's NOT what I was expecting from the normally overly boyish whiny voices of pop punk.
At first I was too taken aback to like it. It just sounded so out of place and ... DEEP.
The more I listen though the more the shock of the manliness on mic faded and the more I started to appreciate the contrast.
The music is definitely part of the Joyce Manor, Man Overboard, Osker type emo/pop/punk family, but the vocals actually do more to set them apart from boringly disappearing into that genre.
Sometimes it makes me cringe, but I kind of like that it has such an effect on me.
If anything it's memorable among an overcrowded and overdone style of music these days.

Check it.





I'm Sarah. I do what I want.

Lockjaw Records ... contrary to the name they do NOT suck dick!

I have a couple of newish (was new, but I took too long to get to them) albums from Lockjaw Records (who should really consider my slogan in the title, I think it's clever, and I'll give it to them for FREE!) that you should probably check out.

Just so you know I know a girl who got lockjaw from sucking dick. I hope she doesn't read this... either way it makes my slogan true AND funny!

First off here's an EP by The Bastard Sons for you to check out. For fans of Gallows, Cancer Bats, The Bronx and all those other awesome riff-heavy rock'n'roll infused punk bands. Go ahead, just listen! It's bookmark worthy for future listen.
I say that because I just did it, so it's TOTALLY TRUE! (Wow, what a great review. It rhymes, but it still sucks cock.... LOCKJAW... okay what the fuck am I saying?) Just listen:

Check them out on Facebook.

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
The second band is called Anchors and they have a new album called Lost At The Bottom Of The World and I'm fucking obsessed with it. They remind me of Belvedere a lot, with the best kind of slurring lisp-like punk rock vocals that melt my heart... and vagina. OooOoOoOOOooooOo! Scandalous! Check out this song here:

And listen to more on their Facebook page.

I'm Sarah. I do what I want.

Autopsy Boys are the next Liam Lynch, or like, whatever.

Who remembers THIS gem, huh?


If you like this song I'm going to go out on a limb and ... whatever.
Kidding.
... and say you'll love this impertinent electro-punk band whose song "About Last Night" just screams 'Liam Lynch', as well as 'fuck you', with a 'whatever' attitude.
With mention of horror movies and computer games in their bio and songs I find the electro part of their punk rock nerdy enough to be forgivable, maybe even lovable! Even if you're not a fan of that electromumbojumbo it's a small price for your ears to pay until hearing the better sound of punk rock which they do oh so well... the song "Rich Kids Playground" for example is a great tune, worthy of 'whatever'ing some cheesy electronics to get to it.

http://www.autopsyboys.com

I'm Sarah. I do what I want.

Gallows humour is the best, although this post isn't about that... it isn't even humorous.


















Holy moly everybOdy, it's been a while since I've felt so inspired to write an album review hasn't it tho?
For some reason, probably a positive one, I can't not write about this new Gallows album right now.
I mean, there are so many things I'd rather be doing at this very moment.. such as reading my Charlie Louvin book, playing God of War or Echo the Dolphin, watching the latest America's Next Top Model (even though I fucking hate every single episode and Tyra Banks and the last few seasons themed shit I can't fucking stop watching the stupid show. you can tape down your tits all you want but you'll never be able to piss write your name in the snow) or sleeping. Yet here I am, writing a review.
I think it's due to how hard I've been anticipating this since Wade MacNeil joined and my favourite ginger punk departed.
I LOVEd Gallows and to think of an ex-Alexisonfire member fronting such a good fucking band was like thinking of losing a family member and some stranger appearing in their place expecting acceptance. My first reaction was to scream NO and spit in the face of their new album. I absolutely despised Alexisonfire and it's been really hard to see Wade as a separate entity. Black Lungs is probably the only reason that I even gave him+Gallows a chance. Black Lungs are a great band, and they definitely pushed me towards seeing him in positive light.
While he can't match Frank's impeccable scrocals (scream+vocals? too much like scrotum? no? yes?) Wade's voice actually doesn't sound half bad, and the music is still the same dirty cock rock punk as the first 2 albums.
Thank Jebus the nitty gritty Bronx-esque sound has not been affected at all, and instead of fitting into the previous vocals like Cinderella's foot into that uncomfortable looking glass slipper.. Wade shatters the shoe into pieces, kicks away the debris and makes it work in his own damn shoes.

So... uh... I respect a member of Alexisonfire now. WHOA.

CHECK OUT THE NEW ALBUM HERE

I'm Sarah. I do what I want.

This Century Sucks.

What would Miley Cyrus sound like if she took hormone pills and got a penis transplant then multiplied herself by 4 and started a band to REALLY distance herself from that Disney image?
She would sound like crap.
And that crap would be called This Century.
I'm sure hundreds of little girls are going to attack me for saying that, but as the lyrics go: "she don't care, and I don't care". She being Miley Cyrus, because she's got enough on her plate fending off those lesbian rumours and Justin Beiber comparisons since she chopped off her lovely locks.
The music is "cute"... I'll give you that.
My question then is: if you take a honkin' load of dog POO, and put flowers in it and sprinkle sparkles around it... is it still SHIT?
Also known as: Manure.
All the 'do do's and 'la la's in the world can not transform this music from the crap it is into beautiful and lovely .



THE END.

I'm Sarah. I do what I want.

Fleeting Circus - Dream World Of Magic (not Narnia)

It seems almost meant-to-be, the way I got around to this review almost a month after it was asked of me, after I had re-discovered my obsession for Jeff Buckley this weekend past, and a few weeks after catching Deftones at Heavy T.O.!
Fleeting Circus are a Brazilian indie/alt rock quartet who bear a striking resemblance to the eerie genius of Jeff Buckley's more ambitious & rockin' album Sketches For My Sweetheart The Drunk... the one that he never got to finish.
This new EP Dream World Of Magic (Chronic-what-cles of Narnia inspired?) by Fleeting Circus almost feels like an extension of Buckley's last attempt, with a heavier 2000's twist to it that is reminiscent of Deftones signature style.
In many ways this makes their EP brilliant to my ears, but the unfortunate backlash to being compared to such a set of pipes (in both the above cases, mainly Buckley) is that the vocals will fall pathetically short no matter how great they are sans comparison. And they are great otherwise.
This is the type of band I never would have given another chance to had I not recently reminded myself of my Buckley and Deftones love, only based on their style of music not typically stiffening my prick as of late. That considered, I am now stiff as a board listening to the EP below.


Imagine this:


I'm Sarah. I do what I want.

Careers In Science unleash FOREVERWOLF!

It was a hot and sweaty Friday night. The moon was full and fit for the transformation from regular ol' Whateverwolf to the bigger, badder, meaner, cleaner, keener'er FOREVERWOLF, the new full length from Careers In Science.

At the strike of midnight (for the purpose of a cool story... in reality it was probably not exactly midnight) the mad scientists hit the stage decked out in wolf shirts, and with the first strum of the guitars and the initial kick of the bass drum they mutated before our eyes from nerdy humans to anthropomorphic weremusicians!
AND THEY DOMINATED THE BOVINE LIKE MICHAEL J. FOX DOMINATES THE BASKETBALL COURT IN TEEN WOLF. Observe:


They weren't the only stars of the night though. Buddy Black kicked off the party with one of the most killer sets I've witnessed in a long time, re-shocking me with how fucking awesome him and his band are. Did I mention that the bassist was wearing a cape? And never once addressed it? Cue my superhero lady boner. I could have called it a night after just watching him, but this was only the beginning!

Pkew Pkew Pkew were up next, and apparently their brofriends thought they were headlining and wasted a bunch of beer bro'ing down at the front and annoying everybody else in the joint, including myself who hooked the bands up with the Bovine for this show to begin with. The brosonas turned me off even wanting to hear the music they were bro'ing down to (even though the band is actually awesome when you broproof yourself to hear them) and they better hope that they didn't fuck me over for booking the venue again by being brotarded.

The Victim Party also played, and killed it, and their one singers wasted facial expressions made my life. They're always great though, so it was no surprise, and since the night was about Careers I will just end my praising here for this band. My only question to half the band was... where were you during the rest of the sets? Question mark ? I saw a few of them in and around during the other performances, but noticed most hung around outside for Careers CD release set, and that made me sad.

HOWEVER, Ian Blurton from C'Mon and like a thousand other awesome things showed up for some of the show, and that's fucking awesome.

I'm Sarah. I do what I want.