my language is The Language of Termites

If I were to say that a band called The Language Of Termites spoke to me through their songs more than any other album this year, does that mean that I speak Termite?
Um. Ew.
"Termites in a subterranean colony"

Since there is absolutely nothing disgusting about the sound of this band, quite the opposite actually, this must be one of those strange nature scenarios where the ugliest creature makes the most beautiful noise.
Unfortunately, for the first time EVER Google has failed me and I can't find an ugly animal that makes a beautiful sound...

but in my search I found a lot of people shit talking one of my favourite creatures, the Goblin Shark.

Again, I say:

Sorry, sidetracked..
This band is fucking awesome. I've talked briefly about them once before and I think I love them even more this CD around. Still this 'euphorial' sounding folky acousti-ro-po (acoustic rock pop, duh) with amazing standalone vocals over smartly timed, subtle yet intricate instruments.
The first few songs are my absolute favourite, while the rest of the album is so pretty that it practically lulls me into loving rapture.. I'd probably kiss a Goblin Shark if one puckered up at me in this state of bliss.

I'm Sarah. I do what I want.

Pinback: "Buuuuuuuuuuuut, um... Thanksgiving!"

Okay, first and foremost I'd like to apologize in advance for what's about to be a pretty brain dead review due to sheer exhaustion on my part.
My brain has been letting out a continuous fart this past week, I think it's been chowing down on Taco Bell while I'm asleep, which explains why I'm so tired as well.
Focusing on this review has been as difficult as I'd imagine it would be for a paraplegic to swim in the deep end.
And more.
First of all they hit the stage right on time, unlike MOST big acts who play at Lee's Palace. Usually when their set time says 10:15 you're waiting until at LEAST 10:30 for anything to happen, cursing the band who you are supposed to love because if you're as lucky as I am you live close enough to the venue to go home and have a few drinks between sets. Coming back in time and then still having to wait is THE WORST, and I actually think far less of bands who think they're such hot shit that they ignore their start time and the fact that they have hundreds of people just standing there in a smelly crowd pressed up between a bunch of strangers cheering at every roadie who walks on stage or every time one song ends before they realize another one is starting. It's pathetic, and I hate it. I love Pinback even more now because they didn't pull that bullshit.
Watching the band on stage was like watching Kaa from The Jungle Book try to hypnotEYEZ (get it?) Mowgli to sleep.
Only they're not trying to EAT you, they're trying to ROCK you.
Although they weren't the biggest talkers OR movers while on stage it didn't matter. They're the type of band that doesn't have to put any effort into being entertaining while they play, their music and the quality of their performance makes everything else irrelevant. The vocals were absolutely flawless and sounded phenomenal, and up until I saw them I never realized just how intense the bassist (playing all chords!), the drummer (going crazy in the back!) and the guitarist (constantly chugging beer and at one point playing his guitar with the bottle) all are on their own. They even had video accompaniment on the screen behind them, posting the lyrics to all the songs off their new album and then just random shit like the movie Dark Star during the rest of the songs.. not to mention hilariously playing their video for "Good To Sea" WHILE they played the song along perfectly.
What still blows my mind is how many old songs they played, making myself and the audience VERY very happy. Not because I don't like the new one (which they were ON TOUR FOR) but because I have never seen them before and have loved them since the very beginning of time. They did play my favourite song off Information Retrieved - "Sherman" - which I was equally excited about, but check out this solid playlist from what I can remember (there's a TON missing from it too because my memory is crap!):

Blue Screen Life

Autumn of The Seraphs
"Good To Sea"
"From Nothing To Nowhere"

Summer In Abaddon
"Non Photo-Blue"
"Bloods On Fire"

Summer In Abaddon is my all time favourite album of theirs and I shat my pants all over the place each time they played a song from it. The best part of the night was hands down during "Fortress" when Rob chugged his beer then started breakdancing across the stage, then tossed the mic into the crowd then ran off the stage to follow it, singing along with those who picked it up, then came back on claiming he lost a tooth, only to continue on like nothing had happened! I'm sure he didn't actually lose a tooth but whatever, it was AH-MAZING.
This totally made up for the silence during the first half of their set, along with the hilariously awkward Thanksgiving banter from Rob during their encore.


I'm Sarah. I do what I want.

Now For One of the BEST Bands I've Heard Lately!

No surprise here, I've written not one but two raving reviews about them. They're The New Enemy and they're FINALLY back with a new album, Darkness, She Was The Universe.
With this record they've achieved what I thought would be impossible: they've gotten even better.
The Kid Dynamite/Black Flag/Death By Stereo throwback sound has grown even more impressive and worthy of such comparisons with this fantastic hardcore punk album. Like everything else they've ever done there isn't a single track not worthy of praise from #1 through to #11, and already this morning I've listened to it front to back about 6 times and counting. It's fast, it's crass, the vocals are raw and raspy and everything else is tighter than Mother Superior (from Sister Act)'s vagina. These guys are to punk rock what God's penis is to a nuns nana, and I mean this on a global scale not just here in Toronto.
And if there's one thing I love more than punk rock it's charity.
The band has posted this album on BandCamp with a name-your-price option and the money raised will be donated to Youth Without Shelter, a Toronto-based shelter for homeless and abused youth.


I'm Sarah. I do what I want.

Worst Band I've Seen in a Long Long Long Time

They're called In My Coma, a name that easily depicts just how awful they are.
They played a FREE show at Horseshoe last night and still couldn't generate enough fans to fill the area in front of the stage.
It's so sad that I almost feel bad for them, almost.
I would feel worse if they weren't obviously trying so hard for something that just isn't happening.
I have 2 main problems with them.
1. The chick.
2. The image.

Let's focus on the image first. When I say 'trying too hard' this is what I'm referring to. In almost every picture of them online they're desperately going for this awful 'lets wear the same thing every show and every photo op so that we look like we're big stars' look that is far too easy to see through. It's clear they think that stardom relies on looks alone, all the while nobody gives a fuck how many fucking vests you have.
This bothers me because if they had spent half as much time working on their actual music - which is almost too reminiscent of rockers like Bush etc in the early 2000's - maybe they'd actually have something. They're tight, but seriously lacking hooks and basically anything that would stick out after their set. I honestly can't remember a single riff or vocal from last night. It's almost as if their music was an afterthought. They try way too hard with the theatrics on stage, the gyrating hips, the above-the-head clapping at non-existent audience, and the 'watch me rip on my guitar but I'm actually not playing anything' moments.

Okay, now the chick. She was the absolute WORST bassist I've ever seen in my life. I don't think she even knows HOW to play bass, like at all. I mean, I took up the bass earlier this year, rented one for about 2 months and have more skills than her even though I haven't touched one since. She only played 2 strings and was so obviously only there as 'eye candy' (which, um, was also a failure, and I say that only as an attack on their obsession with image and not really to insult her... maybe just her way-too-heavy eye makeup). I think an armless, legless, amputee baby could have done a better job with it's toothless mouth than she did. It was so bad my boyfriends father even snickered about it, which is fucking hilarious. It raises the question of WHY ARE YOU IN THE BAND. Clearly it's because they think they need a chick to draw attention to their band and compensate for their lack of talent elsewhere. Well guys, pick a chick who actually knows how to play, or at least has huge tits and ass and a fresh face. Not only could she not play but her backup vocals were off-key and I found her an insult to female musicians everywhere who actually know what they're doing but don't care as much about how they look.
Oh, and what the heck is with the 'LauraDoll' thing... it's lame, drop the doll and be a real person, you're not a rock star yet and until then quit acting like one.

Blood Command

Wellp. I have a new favourite band.
They're called Blood Command and I have been shitting my pants over their new album Funeral Beach all day. There's a chance it's due to all the greasy shit food I ingested all weekend, or the liquor... but I think it's more than just a coinkydink that it started as soon as I hit play.
Okay, maybe that's not true... but it makes for a good story, right?
Not to mention it seems fitting to talk about poop when referring to such a dirty, foul, badASS, crass, vulgar sounding band like this one. And trust me, I say those things out of LOVE. Pure nasty love.
They're a female fronted hardcore/deathpop/punk band from Bergen, Norway reminiscent of a four-way between Gallows, The Blood Brothers, Protest The Hero and Mars Volta.
If I was a guy this would be the wettest of wet dreams. As a girl I'm not quite sure how to describe how sexy I find this music without sounding like a complete whore dreaming about a hardcore musical orgy.
The biggest shock is that they're fronted by a girl AND I STILL LOVE IT. And by 'still' I mean I think I love it more than I ever would if it was a guy. Her vocals are that fucking kick ass.
I seriously can't get enough of it.
I'm like an un-fixed male dog, the band being the butt of a female dog in heat that I can't stop sniffing.. the male dog's nose representing my ears which are unable to stop listening to this album.

what a weird thing to say.

I'm Sarah. I do what I want.

The Bare Minimum offer you way more than that in new EP

I did an interview with a band called The Bare Minimum from Toronto earlier this year, and now it's time to review the poop out of them.
Word to the wise band: Sit on a toilet for this one. It's the best place to be when the poop drops.
Here goes nothing!
With a name like 'The Bare Minimum' I feel like I was subconsciously tricked into thinking that's all I would get out of their music when I first listened to it.
It's a pretty genius concept actually. When I heard the first song on their 4 track EP Why Isn't Allen Here (I hope it's referring to Tim Allen, in which case he's at the North Pole by now getting Santa'd out for Xmas. Duh.) I was actually pleasantly surprised. But why? I had no indication that the band would suck, and considering I interviewed them I must have known back then that I liked them.. whatever I had heard at that point anyway. Yet here I was not expecting much. And what I got was a huge fat Santa cock slap to my subconsciously assuming asshole.
Within 30 seconds of the first track I was head over butt in love. All it took was a few punktastic 'hey's shouted out of my speakers and some tight not-too-poppy-but-poppy-enough riffs accompanying them. That's when I realized that the name had psyched me into thinking that they only could offer 'the bare minimum' when it came to their music. And how wrong that assumption was!
Tricky bastards!
Love the EP. Love the name.
You can listen to it here:

I'm Sarah. I do what I want.

How To Get A Positive Review As An All Girl Rock Band on MSB

It's no secret that I don't like most female fronted rock groups.
I mention it every time I review a band with a girl on vocals.
It's not that I have anything against girls, some of my best friends are girls!
I am a girl!
My MOM is even a girl, and so is my sister.
And it's not like I hate all female singers either. I LOVE girl pop, girl country, Brody Dalle and any other girl punk as badass sounding as hers...
What I can't stand though is girl rock. Not that I like male-fronted regular rock much either, but at least I can appreciate a sexy sounding voice when there's a penis behind it.

Completely contrary to this sexist close-minded opinion of mine I have just discovered an all female rock band that I actually do enjoy called Dating Myself.

Here's how they titty-fucked my heart and convinced me to love them despite their vagina's (for any other girl bands interested in doing the same):
1. They started off their review request with flattery, saying they love the bands I write about and my no bullshit attitude. As ladies they know flattery is the way to a woman's heart. That, and steak.
2. They mentioned their album was mixed by the dude who did Mother Mother who I love.
3. They gave me this hilarious 'fake' story about how they are a real band from 1996 who time traveled to 2012 to record/release their debut album.
Check out the full story taken from their Facebook page:
The girls claim they have been sent here by record mogul/amateur inventor/Mayan prophecy follower Doc Vig to record their first full length album and gather research on 2012's futuristic trends before the end of days. Doc Vig offered the band a record deal in exchange for testing out his AWESOME Bill-and-Ted-inspired time machine. No way!? YES WAY! Carbon testing (they smell like cigarettes! Who does that anymore??), UK-made 8-holes, and the fact that they asked for Zima’s upon reemerging from Vig’s re-jigged Ikea cabinet (the ultimate Ikea hack) are all the proof we need to know the story is for reals. Dating Myself went straight from the ether to the recording studio to lay down the fat tracks they’d been working on prior to their 16 year long high-five freeze-frame. After much confusion with new technology and a moment of silence for the passing of cassettes, CDs, and record stores, Dating Myself is staying true to their 90s sound. Prepare to have your longjohns blown off your memory-grapes and your evenflow disrupted…grrrrrrrrrrrrrrllllllrrrrrioters Dating Myself are back. To us. Even though they sort of never realized they went anywhere.
So you see, if you don't have steak and can't muster any flattering comments, use humour to win a gal over and it'll work all the same.

Okay, I'm lying here.
Although all the above made me WANT to like the band, the truth is if their music sucked those 3 points would have made absolutely no difference in my opinion.
It's not the flattery, connections or the humour that I love about this band... it's the fact that they really do SOUND like the 90's, like exactly. And the female vocals don't really sound super feminine, but more androgynous at times like that of Silversun Pickups etc. Even when you can tell 100% it's a lady I still love the sound of it all...probably because of that rattling 90's rock it's complimenting. The songs are short, low-key and grunge-y.. just the way your mother likes it Trebek.

As somebody who grew up in this era it's be impossible NOT to feel a connection to/love for this band.


The album will be out December 4th, and if you live in or near Vancouver check them out on November 30th at the mighty Rickshaw!

I'm Sarah. I do what I want.

Stay Young Rival

If you haven't heard Young Rival's latest album Stay Young yet you're missing out about as bad as Molly Ringwald did when she turned down the roles of Vivian in Pretty Woman, Molly in Ghost and whatever role in Scream was offered to her.
OUCH right?
So to save you from Ringwald'ing yourself I've made it SUPER easy for you to hear it:

No more excuses, right?
It's amazing right?
With 60's/70's surf rock vibes mixing with current indie/garage rock vibes it's the kind of album that defies era-ism (like racism or sexism but in regards to music era's, knowwhatImsayingyo?) and allows people of all ages and tastes to enjoy it, kind of like this Flinstones rendition of "Surfin' USA":

You're Welcome.

I'm Sarah. I do what I want.

I'll tell you what all the FUSS is about.

I love when bands tell me things like 'hate mail also accepted' when asking me to review their album. I get pretty excited about the possibilities of writing a really nasty review with no repercussions (as in death threats from the band pretending to be fans who love them when you KNOW they have no fans because they suck really badly... yes this happens a lot) but unfortunately when a band says this to me they NEVER END UP BEING BAD. Which I guess is why they throw that out there, because a) they're funny and don't take shit too seriously because b) they're actually super talented and they know it.
This is the case with a Toronto band called Fuss who sent me their EP Speakeasy which you can find below.
It's as rockin' as Sylvester Stallone only not as hard nor as bloody. And I am Apollo, shocked at how good they are.

I'd describe them as a low-fi garage rock band following in the footsteps (or maybe creating the footprints, depending on who came first) of similar Toronto bands like Topanga (only they're far less poppy) who are blowing their loads all over the face of our city these days.
Check them out.

I'm Sarah. I do what I want.

Crown The Town with Ryan Long

Guess what nerds, I'm moving on up from MusicSheBlogged to MustSeeTVSheBlogged in order to review the new hit mock reality show called Crown The Town starring Ryan Long and his posse Jarek Hardy, Gary the merch guy for The Johnstones, Stephen Hawking as the narrator and other guys I don't know.
The show consists of Ryan taking on Toronto in Kenny vs. Spenny style 'who's the best' competitions.
But that's not all!
It features Lonely Island-meets-Flight Of The Conchords-meets-South Park-esque music videos (including some by Phat Bredrens!), along with John Dore/Ali G style awkward interviews and SNL-like sketches.
If I could sum it up in two words they would be: hilariously ridiculous.
If I could sum it up in one word it would be: Hilaridiculous.
The humour is everything I love.
The episode I just watched in order to write this review was Best Fortune Teller and it kicks off with Ryan engaging random strangers on the street in a little trivia game ALL ABOUT RYAN.
What's even more amusing than the fact that Ryan knows the answer to every question, obviously, is how much of a dick he is when he celebrates winning.
Later on in the episode Ryan ends up becoming a fortune teller offering his service to anybody who passes him by on the street.
At the risk of giving too much away (the hardest part about reviewing TV this funny is that I want to quote EVERYTHING, but then you wouldn't watch it..) my favourite part of this whole episode is when he 'convinces' one woman that she's into poo, sexually.
Poo jokes are always genius, and I bet she went home with a whole new outlook on shitting.
So much happens in this episode worth mentioning but I really don't want to spoil anything. Each sketch brings the comedy to a whole new level that I hadn't yet seen from Ryan Long and associates.
The Stereos even guest star a couple times, and for the sake of this TV review I will keep my opinion about the band to myself. *AHEM*.

Some key elements are:
Gary's beard
Ryan's ridiculous pony tail

Other episode plots include:
Best Gold Buyer
Best Pole Dancing Teacher
Best Neighbourhood To Dig Through The Garbage

For fans of:
Just For Laugh Gags
Sesame Street
Everything mentioned in the first few paragraphs of this review.

Here are a few clips from past episodes:

Catch Crown The Town Wednesdays and Saturdays at 11pm!

I'm Sarah, I review TV!