"And you remind me of a West side hipster with your fancy cigarettes and your Bukowski literature." - Zap Dragon & The Attack

This was my reaction to hearing the band Zap Dragon & The Attack for the first time:
In other words, I turned into Donald Duck.

(When you hear the song "Spanish Grammar" you'll understand why....sorta....)
I'm only 3 songs in so far and this is already my new favourite band.
They sound like a mix between Against Me! and Fake Problems.
HOWCOOLISTHAT!? (picture this said by Weezer in "El Scorcho")
Their album, Pain Waves, was recorded by Rob McGregor who recorded Against Me! and though they're far less political they have that same angsty way of singing you a story with as much feeling in their vocals as they had in their hearts while they wrote it.
(I don't mean that as lame and as emo as it sounds!)
Everything about this band is just fantastic, I fucking love them.

Check them out here:

I'm Sarah. I do what I want.


Sorry, HAD TO.

Prose & Khans is the debut release from Toronto's 'dreamy electro pop' (according to their FACEBOOK PAGE) band Old English.
I've been trying to write this review for several days now but my mind has been too clouded with a) weed b) whiskey and c) stress over how the fuck I'm supposed to save the four fucking princesses in Castle Crashers. IT'S SO FRUSTRATING.
I'm still having a hard time forming proper sentences BUT I'm forcing myself to write this despite my self-inflicted writers block because of how fucking good this band is. Whether or not I can think of anything intelligent or even dumb-but-humorous to say at the very least I'm posting their Bandcamp so chy'all can hear it and appreciate them without my help.
Prose & Khans is the type of album you'd NEVER expect to hear from a local band, especially for their first release. It's the type of music you'd expect to hear on a new hip indie-loving show like Girls (yes, I like that show. I'm a girl AND IT'S JUDD APATOW, suck it haters), "We Can Never Have It All" (my favourite song by them, along with "Farmer's Tan") in particular is such a gripping track that would be so perfect for one of those heartbreakingly real moments that everybody can relate to. Their album seems to follow that suit, lyrics chronicling life's moments of anguish and loss while kind of coming to terms with the sadness and overcoming it.
Maybe that's just how I interpreted it based on my own life, I haven't been paying as much attention to the lyrics as I have the overall sound and feeling of it all.. either way it's definitely an album that gives you way more than just some ear candy to sing along with in the shower. And it's done SO damn well. Haunting, folk-laced, pie-in-the-sky indie pop/rock that fuses influences from every other genre galaxy into one powerful fucking sound.

Don't believe me, believe your own ears:

I'm Sarah. I do what I want.

Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit...

Centipede Hz has finally hooked me.
It took a few months for it to really grab my nips and twist, but this titty twister of an album finally got a good grip on me.
Now it's acting like an Automated External Defibrillator, curing the writers block I've been experiencing all week by pumping electric shocks into my brain and restarting my mind.
For some reason I'm picturing this literally happening, this obscure figure that is Centipede HZ looming over an operating table using the AED on my brain, yelling CLEAR. All of a sudden it works, and my brain slowly comes back to life only to realize that she's in some sort of mash up of the game Monster Lab and the choose your own adventure Goosebumps book The Deadly Experiments Of Dr. Eeek...

Yep, that basically sums up this Animal Collective album.

On a completely different note, I have also been super obsessed with the Django Unchained Soundtrack since I saw the movie. It blows me away how amazing it is.

I'm Sarah. I do what I want.

"It smells like shit in here, let's make it smell like Febreze!"

I saw The Snips at Sneaky Dee's last Friday and completely forgot to write about it over the long weekend.
Oopsie poopsie!
Let me just lazily sum up my notes from the night here:
- Based on the crowd I felt like I was experiencing grade 10 all over again and was OK with it
- The Snips are the new Boys Night Out
- Love their energy, especially the singer who was owning the stage with just the mic and his words...awww
- So emopoptabulous, haven't been to a show like that in a while and loved every second of it, all these kids surrounding me pointing fingers like they mean it as they sing along to every word, EVERY FEELING
- Stood behind a tall guy who farted right in my face, it was like Bad Religion all over again
- One of those nights that I'm scurred the floor will cave in because of all the pop punk jumping happening
- Singer grabbed some kid's finger and used it as a mic... nice one.

I'm Sarah and I'm fucking lazy.

I think my toes are jealous of my fingers because they get to point at things!

There was a FREE show last night at Sonic Boom to kick off this year's Wavelength Music Fest and it was AWESOME.
A band called Absolutely Free hit the tiny stage first and I half expected their performance to be suuuper awkward because the bright lights of the store did not seem to compliment their stand-in-one-place spacey dance rock.. but by the second song I was so blown away that I was in my own little world with the band, lights shmights.
They kind of reminded me of Slaughterhouse Five and how Billy time travels so spastically, and nothing makes sense and everything makes too much sense at the same time.
The multiple drums were... just... oh my GOD.
Like, I have no words for how OH MY GOD the drums were.
And that chunky bass...mmmm
And the wonderful flawless vocals...mmmmmmmmmmmmm
They blew my mind. And by mind I mean load. Ear load.
Blew it up like the Death Star(s)...

Explosion of my ear load that is.

Dusted were up next with a WAY TOO SHORT set that felt no longer than a blink once it was over. It was terribly disappointing because they were SO GOOD. So catchy and mesmerizing for just 2 people. They owned the stage in broad retail light with just the music, their presence and the odd shimmy dance move from the singer/guitarist. The drummer was drumming with one hand while playing keys with the other. It was like his right side and left side were two totally different people. It was amazing.
...And so starts my obsession with Dusted.

NOTE: Dusted will be the special guest Sunday at the Garrison!

I'm Sarah. I do what I want.

MOSHAWA... You can do better than that!!!

Actually, in this review of the band Viva Mars you can't.
They're from Oshawa, which us Corebourgians used to call 'Moshawa' back in those lame hardcore high school days.
My point is, Oshawa can 'do better than that' in a LOT of ways, but when it comes to bands no city could do much better than Viva Mars.
Their starry eyed indie rock supports the claim on their Facebook of being heavily influenced by the Velvet Underground, The Smiths and Beach Boys. Imagine those three powerhouses morphing into one indomitable sound. That's Viva Mars.
Oshawa, you've impressed me for the first time since that grade 7-8 summer when I thought that the OC was the best place in the world to hang out and would go up to stay with my grandparents just to sit in the food court every day.

I'm Sarah. Apparently I was a loser kid.

Alan Bonner, not to be confused with A Land Boner

I'm not sure what A Land Boner is, or why Alan Bonner would be confused with one.
In light of that fake holiday coming up, Vday, I present to you lady-boner encourage-r Alan Bonner, a young singer/songwriter/'balladeer' (his EP is titled Balladeer, out March 4th) from somewhere over in the UK (accent, ladies!). He writes gorgeous melodies with lovely lyrics and pretty build ups in the form of simple piano based ballads.
Dudes, if you wanna make your ladies swoon and take care of that vday boner just throw on some Alan Bonner.
That's almost like a jingle... which means it'll be easy to remember so you don't have to sneak onto the computer and look up this review when the lame flowers you spent your allowance on aren't getting you anywhere under her pants.
Here, I'll even provide you with the link so you can bookmark it now:

I'm Sarah. I do what I want.


The band is called Big Dick.
And I love them.
So really, how could I not write a review... see all the joke potential here?
I can say things like "I can't get enough Big Dick", orrrr "Big Dick makes my heart cum"... or "put that Big Dick in my ear"... or "Big Dick = big smile"... or "Big Dick = big boner"... orrr "I can't hear you over this Big Dick"... or the obvious-but-not-to-be-overlooked "I love Big Dick" !
Who is Big Dick you ask?
Big Dick is a 2-piece punk / post-punk / post-hardcore / fuzz / noise / garage / indie band from Ottawa.
I'm kinda jealous of them because I've always wanted to form a band with just a bassist and a drummer and basically play the same kind of dirty grime-rock with vocals varying from shouting to distorted singing to screaming nonsense into the mic.
Maybe I'll still do that and call us Big Breast. Or Big Tits. Or Big Boobs. Or Big Clit.
BAM, Big Clit. That's the one.
Anypoo, Big Dick absolutely slaughter my ear drums.. before throwing the poor slaughtered ear drum pieces into the frying pan, adding some salt and pepper, and serving them up to the Bass God himself somewhere up in Bass Heaven.
Enjoying the meal with Mr. Bass God is Death From Above 1979, with whom Big Dick share many similarities.
This is not just a joke... I honestly cannot get enough of this band... of Big Dick.
I'm hooked on Big Dick.
I've got a fever, and the only prescription is more Big Dick.
(Side note: Did you know that 'More cowbell' actually has it's OWN WIKIPEDIA PAGE)
I need Big Dick.
I want to experience Big Dick over and over and over.
Big Dick makes me so happy.
You can stream Big Dick's new S/T (of course) album HERE.
Get it? Big Dick!

I'm Sarah. I do what I want.