The Queers & The Dwarves

Last night the Dwarves came to Toronto.
The Dwarves AND The Queers. 
On the same stage. 
And they brought The Atom Age, who I've had a huge hard-no for since I interviewed them a few years ago. 

The BEST Toronto band opened for them too, Brutal Youth, but unfortunately I did not make it down there in time to see them. If I didn't have a bum foot I would kick myself. Hard. Unfortunately right now I move at about half the speed I used to and as fast as I tried to get home from work, eat, poop, whatever, by the time I hopped in a cab and got down to the Horseshoe they had JUST left the stage. Despite having seen them a handful of times in the last bunch of months and countless opportunities to see them again, I'm still super fucking bummed to miss one show. When I say they're the BEST band in Toronto, I mean they're like the Jackie Chan of martial arts films, death-defying stunts and all. 

Thankfully I made it just in time for The Atom Age, but since I can't stand for more than like 20 minutes at a time and can't even hold a beer and walk at the same time I only saw with my eyes a few songs before sitting down in the front to rest. Don't worry though, I could still hear their performance with my ears and I was blown away from across the venue. The sax... nothing compares to that sax mixed with gritty punkrawk'n'roll. They played songs off their brand fucking new FREE EP (go download it NOW!) which I fucking love. If you like bands like The Stooges, Rocket From The Crypt, The Bronx, or even The Knack, you'll instantly bust an ear-nut listening to these guys. 

I just saw The Queers not too long ago at the same venue with Teenage Bottlerocket so it was like deja-vu city up in that joint when they got on stage. And that includes the hilariously awkward race-related comments coming out of Joe Queer's mouth! This time he was telling the story about how it was his birthday and his wife emailed him about money without even saying HBD, somehow turning it into how she's Japanese and if you 'throw them in a shower they all look 15'... he himself questioned whether that was a racist statement and then carried on with their to-the-point, no-bullshit, quick-like-bunny set that left barely any room for the applause it deserved. It was fucking awesome. They opened with "No Tit" which made my night, and ended with "This Place Sucks" which was unfortunately all too true as they stood in front of a unenthusiastic crowd who didn't seem to respect the fact that they were seeing fucking punk rock legends right in front of them. 

Finally The Dwarves erupted on to the stage with so much energy that the dull crowd had no choice but to follow suit. It was clear this band was the reason everybody was at the Horseshoe and once they hit the first note it was like a bomb exploded in front of the stage snapping the audience into mosh-mode. They played so many old favourites including "Let's Fuck", "Everybody's Girl", "Let's Get High And Fuck Some Sluts", and most importantly the track that got me hooked on the band when I was 14 thanks to Punk-O-Rama 5, "Better Be Women". I have been waiting over a fucking decade to get to see them play that song live. Actually, I've been waiting that long just to see them live period, so this was one hell of a wet dream-turned-reality. They were every bit as phenomenal as I had hoped, and Blarg-the-man did not hold back, even though the 'Shoe isn't really suited for rambunctious punk shows. He made it work for him, crowdsurfing and bringing the audience into his every move, stroking so many boners (figuratively not literally) by letting the fans sing along as much as possible. I lose about a foot in height on crutches so I couldn't see the rest of the band very well but every now and then I would catch a glimpse of them rocking the fuck out along with their singer, inhibiting every inch of the sparklevomit stage. On my special scale of flaccid to boner, after seeing that show my earection (get it?) is about the size of the dwarf from Twin Peaks, and as hard to the touch as he is hard to understand. That said, The Dwarves are still the best band ever. 

I'm Sarah. I do what I want.