I am Sarah Jane, she is Britney Jean.

I woke up today much earlier than I planned since I'm still on Christmas vacation. I have absolutely dick all to do with my time off so I decided to settle back in bed, smoke a huge joint and zone out to some Melrose Place until I could sleep my way back into single digit pm times when it's okay to start drinking. Unfortunately for me and my current obsession with terrible 90's TV, the 2 hour Melrose Place episode I was dead set on watching would not load, so instead of skipping ahead (it's the season 3 finale, I just can't do it!) I gave up and typed 'full documentary' into YouTube and clicked on the first music related one on the list.
It just happened to be the B. Spears doc I Am Britney Jean. Lucky me!
Sitting here talking about Melrose Place & Britney Spears, I don't even recognize myself anymore.
Whatever, I'm always intrigued by a good trainwreck in this industry, but what I found was much, much cooler.
It's really hard to stomach watching her at first. She looks like she's completely empty inside, like her head is just a balloon with a blonde wig and googly eyes stuck on it.
It's quite obvious that this girl can't think for herself, and probably hasn't had to since that last episode of Melrose Place I watched was made. In fact, it doesn't even seem like she's a real life person anymore........
And then it hit me.
I'm convinced of it.
There are so many things in this documentary that point to me being 100% correct:
- she doesn't burn in the fire photoshoot
- she picks up dance moves immediately, much faster than normal real people
- she juggles an impossible amount career/family-wise.. impossible for the real life living that is
- when she's around British people she takes on their accent without meaning to
- her face is clearly made out of something other than flesh and blood... she's looking wonky
And lest we not forget her mental breakdown, which I'm more prone to believing was a metal breakdown if you catch my drift! As in, I mean her robot shit malfunctioned.


As I pondered this absolutely for real theory of mine I heard one of the choreographers actually say 'ideer' instead of 'idea', so I put my pen down and promptly fell back to sleep. F that S.

I'm Sarah. I do what I want.